I need to update! So much has happened in the past 5 days!
Oh, & just so everyone knows, I turned on anonymous commenting so you non-blogspot followers can comment now!
I am amazing. haha.
Well..Today was great. Molly grabbed my shoe today! I was so proud of her! I even got it on video...Which I'm really reluctant to post cause I was talking through the whole thing & saying the stupidest stuff EVER....Like, "Oh, maybe you'll have a pair of converse someday!" ..& totally ruining the moment. Yeck. But she's getting so big. She weighs 14 lbs now! ..Which puts her in the 75th percentile. Maybe I should cut out the rice bottle at night? She's getting too big too fast!
Sooooo other than the Molly update, things are great here. I start school this Wednesday. I'm really excited. I finally get to learn something related to nursing! I found out we're going to dissect a cadaver in anatomy. *shudders* I'm excited, but kinda grossed out at the same time. Dead people freak me out! & We also get to paralyze a live frog & see how it's nerves work. Now THAT is going to be fun! I don't know of any cool stuff we get to do in physiology though...But I'm sure it'll be just as cool.
........I suddenly don't feel like updating anymore!
--Anyway, if you're reading this, leave me a comment so I know how many readers I have! Sorry this was the world's most boring entry!
Ciao!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Long time, No blog!
Omg, it's been almost a month since my last blog.
I'm officially the worst mom EVER. Molly is right next to me watching Blue's Clues. hahaha. I was really dead set on not letting her watch tv until she turned 2, but....she insisted. & she's being quiet for once...So how could I resist?
Anyway, let's see. I have a lot to catch up on I suppose.
As you can see, I took all of my blogs from myspace & moved them to this awesomely awesome blogspot! I think I'm done with myspace. I'm going to switch to facebook. I like it a lot more. Myspace is on it's way out I think.
--Ugh. I guess Blue's Clues just got boring.........
--Okay. Anyway!
Molly got her first set of shots on the 22nd of July. My poor little girl. I cried too! haha. But yeah. Turns out she had a raging yeast rash on her neck. I noticed it in the doctor's office that day cause it had puss & all of this gross stuff oozing out of it. How's that for convenient? It's been coming & going since then. She's had about 3 since we got the nystatin cream for it. She just got over one actually. --& I don't know why you care about that. haha. MOVING ON!
My sister Mj came out from New York to visit me on the 28th! We had so much fun. & she was such a big help. I woke up to her cleaning my house almost every morning. & she helped out so much with Molly. When it came time for her to leave on the 5th, I called my mommy to see what time she had to be at the airport...Turns out she didn't actually leave until the 11th! So she stayed 6 extra days. We had so much fun. She just left this morning. :( Molly just loved her to pieces.
Well now it's time for the school update. About that online math course I took over the summer? I got a "D". :( So I have to re-take it. Atleast I didn't fail! So yeah. Now instead of going to school on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 11am-9pm, I go everyday. I go on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 1-9 now, Monday & Wednesday from 10-10:50, & Fridays from 9-10:50. *Le sigh.* April agreed to babysit my little bambino everyday though. She's such a good friend.
So Steve dropped a huge bomb on me yesterday; He might possibly be going to Maryland for a couple weeks next month to catch & launch global hawks to the desert. Not worried at all. I need some alone time. :) hahaha. He's doing pretty good though. He's been helping out with Molly a lot more which has been great. --Oh, & He impressed his commander last week big time! The commander gave him a day off & said something like, "In all my 20 years here, no one has ever done as good of a job as you." So I was really proud of him! :)
Well, there's a blog. I'm sure I'll lose about half of my readers from switching to blogspot. :( Oh well. Maybe I'll get more new ones. Who knows!
Toodaloo!
I'm officially the worst mom EVER. Molly is right next to me watching Blue's Clues. hahaha. I was really dead set on not letting her watch tv until she turned 2, but....she insisted. & she's being quiet for once...So how could I resist?
Anyway, let's see. I have a lot to catch up on I suppose.
As you can see, I took all of my blogs from myspace & moved them to this awesomely awesome blogspot! I think I'm done with myspace. I'm going to switch to facebook. I like it a lot more. Myspace is on it's way out I think.
--Ugh. I guess Blue's Clues just got boring.........
--Okay. Anyway!
Molly got her first set of shots on the 22nd of July. My poor little girl. I cried too! haha. But yeah. Turns out she had a raging yeast rash on her neck. I noticed it in the doctor's office that day cause it had puss & all of this gross stuff oozing out of it. How's that for convenient? It's been coming & going since then. She's had about 3 since we got the nystatin cream for it. She just got over one actually. --& I don't know why you care about that. haha. MOVING ON!
My sister Mj came out from New York to visit me on the 28th! We had so much fun. & she was such a big help. I woke up to her cleaning my house almost every morning. & she helped out so much with Molly. When it came time for her to leave on the 5th, I called my mommy to see what time she had to be at the airport...Turns out she didn't actually leave until the 11th! So she stayed 6 extra days. We had so much fun. She just left this morning. :( Molly just loved her to pieces.
Well now it's time for the school update. About that online math course I took over the summer? I got a "D". :( So I have to re-take it. Atleast I didn't fail! So yeah. Now instead of going to school on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 11am-9pm, I go everyday. I go on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 1-9 now, Monday & Wednesday from 10-10:50, & Fridays from 9-10:50. *Le sigh.* April agreed to babysit my little bambino everyday though. She's such a good friend.
So Steve dropped a huge bomb on me yesterday; He might possibly be going to Maryland for a couple weeks next month to catch & launch global hawks to the desert. Not worried at all. I need some alone time. :) hahaha. He's doing pretty good though. He's been helping out with Molly a lot more which has been great. --Oh, & He impressed his commander last week big time! The commander gave him a day off & said something like, "In all my 20 years here, no one has ever done as good of a job as you." So I was really proud of him! :)
Well, there's a blog. I'm sure I'll lose about half of my readers from switching to blogspot. :( Oh well. Maybe I'll get more new ones. Who knows!
Toodaloo!
Friday, August 7, 2009
July 15, 2009
I don't know why.
Biologically, I am a parent. I gave birth to an offspring, nurtured my offspring; etc. etc. etc. But I don't feel like a mom. I feel like Molly is a pet or something. I constantly find myself feeling awkward when I rush to her side & say, "Mommy's here! It's okay!" ..mommy is here?! me?! a MOM?!
I guess it wouldn't be so weird if I changed who I was. Inside, I still feel as if I'm a little kid.
For example:
Today when Steve & I went grocery shopping, we had to do separate shopping in order to make our visit to wal-mart a brief one. For some reason, I felt like men were scrutinizing me like they were wondering whether or not to kidnap me. My mom put all these crazy thoughts into my head as a kid when I took off by myself....I guess it's just a habit of thinking. But kidnap? as in ..kidnap? a kid?! I'm a sophmore in college, I have a 2 month old, I'm married, all grown up....I don't know why this thought occured to me.
I couldn't help but wonder if my mom ever felt so helpless sometimes.
--Or when I go to get gas, my biggest fear. I suck at getting gas. I hold the trigger with my 2 fingers & turn towards the pump incase my car catches on fire & I have to bolt. I find myself pleading with the gas pump to pump gas faster so I don't have to stand there anymore....just watching the numbers increase faster & faster hoping that nothing crazy happens. It never does of course. The worst luck I've had at a gas station is my card being declined, or getting my fingers pinched in the trigger...or sometimes out of anxious-ness, I forget to close the gas tank. Which happens a few times a year sadly.
I'm also deathly afraid of trains. & thunderstorms. & being alone in the dark. I get panic attacks all the time because I can't calm myself down. I'm scared of bugs. All of those stupid cliche little things that everyone is somewhat scared of frightens me to no avail.
I thought moms weren't afraid of anything....
When I visited in New York, I found myself doing backhandsprings on the trampoline again, playing bulldog, torturing Errick, instantly turning into a wimp in the presence of my mom.....Everything I used to do before Molly was even a thought. I found myself loudly telling potty jokes in a restaurant..grating on my mom's nerves as usual of course. I found myself laughing until I busted a rib with Mj like we always do.....
It's like nothing ever changed. But it did.
Maybe moms just put up a front in front of their kids. I mean...nobody is perfect. I read a story once about a plane that almost crashed. --I forgot where I read it. But the lady who wrote the story was on board with her 7 year old daughter. There was tons of turbulence on a red eye flight, & the plane started violently descending. The daughter woke up & asked, "What's happening? Are we going to be okay?" & the mom said, "Yes, don't worry. Just go back to sleep." Even though she was scared beyond shitless & she didn't even know if they were going to make it out okay. If that was me I would be like, "HELL NO! We're going to crash!" I wouldn't even think to lie! I would be too worried & to scared to think of something comforting like that to say!
Idk. Maybe I just don't feel like a mom because my personality, morals, & my values haven't come into play yet. All I do is feed, bathe, change, & soothe Molly. I don't have a normal conversation with her. I don't make up rules for her. I don't tell her what's wrong & what's right. & all she thinks about is her next meal. She doesn't care about anything yet. She doesn't ask me crazy questions & expect a legitimate answer. She doesn't care if the tv is on or off. She doesn't care if we walk past a playground. She doesn't care if I eat junk food for breakfast lunch & dinner...She's just a baby. & a really content one at that. I feel like it's too easy. Something is going to happen.
--Anyway, enough of my word vomit. Time for an update I guess?
My trip back to New York was really good. I saw Lindsay & Brandon finally! I didn't get around to seeing all the people I wanted to, but that's only cause my cell phone kicked the bucket towards the end of my trip. I'm getting it fixed soon though.
I talked to a Corning representative last week about transferring. Good news: all of my credits transfer! All of them! So I'm not moving back next month. Thank God. The even better news? All the remaining classes I need besides nursing 1 I can take online. So I don't even have to find daycare! I can't start nursing I until next fall anyway. & there's no waiting list. So everything is all set. I just have to talk to a counselor here & find out what I have to do to transfer, fill out an application to Corning, make out my schedule, & I'll be all set. I'm not looking forward to it one bit, but. I absolutely have to do it. I can't stay in California, even though I really want to.
Julie's wedding was amazing. She looked so beautiful & happy. I kept telling her I was going to make her cry before I left, but she held up pretty good. 30 minutes before the wedding started, I busted into her dressing room to get an update on everything, (I was her organist!) so I needed to be in the loop. Before I left, I gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Hall! I'll miss you!" & then I pasted a fake grin across my face trying not to cry myself & said, "Did I get you?!!!" & she said, "nope. you're not going to get me today!" At the reception, I gave her another hug & said, "Hi Julie Cady!!!" ...still nothing. However before I left the reception, me & Molly gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Cady! See you in 7 months!" --& SHE CRIED! I had a devious smile on my face, & she started laughing. The last thing I said to her was, "I told you I would get you!"
My mom pointed out that ever since I moved to California, I have a sick obsession with trying to make everyone cry. Everyone just worships me now; I can't help it! I made my mom cry 13 times that whole trip without even trying! 13 times!!! I played her favorite song on the piano, & she locked herself in the bathroom..which I really got a kick out of. When she came out, me & mj just pointed & laughed. All she had to say was, "You better play that song at my funeral, & all 4 of you better be standing over my casket crying! I'll make sure of it!" ...It was pretty funny. The rest of the times were pretty standard stuff...coming downstairs with Molly in the morning, laughing with Mj, seeing Lil for the first time...yeah, my mom is a softy. All of these events sparked the waterworks. At the airport, my mom told me I wasn't going to get her to cry. It took alot of thinking, but before I left I said, "This is your last 18 year old hug from me!" ...Yep, that got her going. hahahaha. I asked her if she put Molly's bottle in her diaper bag right before I was about to board & she said, "No! I forgot it!" I could've killed her at that second! I started dialing the house to see if there was a sliver of hope that someone, anyone could bring it to me! & then she said, "I'm just kidding! You live to make me cry, & I live to scare you." She reaches into her purse & pulls out Molly's bottle. She was planning this...
So that was the basis of my trip. I had a great time. Steve did too. He was so happy the whole time. I can't wait for 2 years to go by so he's happy again.
Anyway, I'm pooped. I have a visit from the health department lady tomorrow, & my house needs to be picked up! I might have to wake up early to clean! shit!
l8r alligators.
Biologically, I am a parent. I gave birth to an offspring, nurtured my offspring; etc. etc. etc. But I don't feel like a mom. I feel like Molly is a pet or something. I constantly find myself feeling awkward when I rush to her side & say, "Mommy's here! It's okay!" ..mommy is here?! me?! a MOM?!
I guess it wouldn't be so weird if I changed who I was. Inside, I still feel as if I'm a little kid.
For example:
Today when Steve & I went grocery shopping, we had to do separate shopping in order to make our visit to wal-mart a brief one. For some reason, I felt like men were scrutinizing me like they were wondering whether or not to kidnap me. My mom put all these crazy thoughts into my head as a kid when I took off by myself....I guess it's just a habit of thinking. But kidnap? as in ..kidnap? a kid?! I'm a sophmore in college, I have a 2 month old, I'm married, all grown up....I don't know why this thought occured to me.
I couldn't help but wonder if my mom ever felt so helpless sometimes.
--Or when I go to get gas, my biggest fear. I suck at getting gas. I hold the trigger with my 2 fingers & turn towards the pump incase my car catches on fire & I have to bolt. I find myself pleading with the gas pump to pump gas faster so I don't have to stand there anymore....just watching the numbers increase faster & faster hoping that nothing crazy happens. It never does of course. The worst luck I've had at a gas station is my card being declined, or getting my fingers pinched in the trigger...or sometimes out of anxious-ness, I forget to close the gas tank. Which happens a few times a year sadly.
I'm also deathly afraid of trains. & thunderstorms. & being alone in the dark. I get panic attacks all the time because I can't calm myself down. I'm scared of bugs. All of those stupid cliche little things that everyone is somewhat scared of frightens me to no avail.
I thought moms weren't afraid of anything....
When I visited in New York, I found myself doing backhandsprings on the trampoline again, playing bulldog, torturing Errick, instantly turning into a wimp in the presence of my mom.....Everything I used to do before Molly was even a thought. I found myself loudly telling potty jokes in a restaurant..grating on my mom's nerves as usual of course. I found myself laughing until I busted a rib with Mj like we always do.....
It's like nothing ever changed. But it did.
Maybe moms just put up a front in front of their kids. I mean...nobody is perfect. I read a story once about a plane that almost crashed. --I forgot where I read it. But the lady who wrote the story was on board with her 7 year old daughter. There was tons of turbulence on a red eye flight, & the plane started violently descending. The daughter woke up & asked, "What's happening? Are we going to be okay?" & the mom said, "Yes, don't worry. Just go back to sleep." Even though she was scared beyond shitless & she didn't even know if they were going to make it out okay. If that was me I would be like, "HELL NO! We're going to crash!" I wouldn't even think to lie! I would be too worried & to scared to think of something comforting like that to say!
Idk. Maybe I just don't feel like a mom because my personality, morals, & my values haven't come into play yet. All I do is feed, bathe, change, & soothe Molly. I don't have a normal conversation with her. I don't make up rules for her. I don't tell her what's wrong & what's right. & all she thinks about is her next meal. She doesn't care about anything yet. She doesn't ask me crazy questions & expect a legitimate answer. She doesn't care if the tv is on or off. She doesn't care if we walk past a playground. She doesn't care if I eat junk food for breakfast lunch & dinner...She's just a baby. & a really content one at that. I feel like it's too easy. Something is going to happen.
--Anyway, enough of my word vomit. Time for an update I guess?
My trip back to New York was really good. I saw Lindsay & Brandon finally! I didn't get around to seeing all the people I wanted to, but that's only cause my cell phone kicked the bucket towards the end of my trip. I'm getting it fixed soon though.
I talked to a Corning representative last week about transferring. Good news: all of my credits transfer! All of them! So I'm not moving back next month. Thank God. The even better news? All the remaining classes I need besides nursing 1 I can take online. So I don't even have to find daycare! I can't start nursing I until next fall anyway. & there's no waiting list. So everything is all set. I just have to talk to a counselor here & find out what I have to do to transfer, fill out an application to Corning, make out my schedule, & I'll be all set. I'm not looking forward to it one bit, but. I absolutely have to do it. I can't stay in California, even though I really want to.
Julie's wedding was amazing. She looked so beautiful & happy. I kept telling her I was going to make her cry before I left, but she held up pretty good. 30 minutes before the wedding started, I busted into her dressing room to get an update on everything, (I was her organist!) so I needed to be in the loop. Before I left, I gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Hall! I'll miss you!" & then I pasted a fake grin across my face trying not to cry myself & said, "Did I get you?!!!" & she said, "nope. you're not going to get me today!" At the reception, I gave her another hug & said, "Hi Julie Cady!!!" ...still nothing. However before I left the reception, me & Molly gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Cady! See you in 7 months!" --& SHE CRIED! I had a devious smile on my face, & she started laughing. The last thing I said to her was, "I told you I would get you!"
My mom pointed out that ever since I moved to California, I have a sick obsession with trying to make everyone cry. Everyone just worships me now; I can't help it! I made my mom cry 13 times that whole trip without even trying! 13 times!!! I played her favorite song on the piano, & she locked herself in the bathroom..which I really got a kick out of. When she came out, me & mj just pointed & laughed. All she had to say was, "You better play that song at my funeral, & all 4 of you better be standing over my casket crying! I'll make sure of it!" ...It was pretty funny. The rest of the times were pretty standard stuff...coming downstairs with Molly in the morning, laughing with Mj, seeing Lil for the first time...yeah, my mom is a softy. All of these events sparked the waterworks. At the airport, my mom told me I wasn't going to get her to cry. It took alot of thinking, but before I left I said, "This is your last 18 year old hug from me!" ...Yep, that got her going. hahahaha. I asked her if she put Molly's bottle in her diaper bag right before I was about to board & she said, "No! I forgot it!" I could've killed her at that second! I started dialing the house to see if there was a sliver of hope that someone, anyone could bring it to me! & then she said, "I'm just kidding! You live to make me cry, & I live to scare you." She reaches into her purse & pulls out Molly's bottle. She was planning this...
So that was the basis of my trip. I had a great time. Steve did too. He was so happy the whole time. I can't wait for 2 years to go by so he's happy again.
Anyway, I'm pooped. I have a visit from the health department lady tomorrow, & my house needs to be picked up! I might have to wake up early to clean! shit!
l8r alligators.
July 9, 2009
Current mood:
scared hm. This coputer isn't letting me use my usual font.
oh well.
Well, I'm finally back in Elmira. Molly cried a lot during the flight on the way here...but it's okay. She did good for the most part. She has everyone wrapped around her finger! --& she just started smiling when people talk to her, so..yeah. Everyone is in love! She loves her grandmas. She barfed on both of them today! haha. My mom just loves her to pieces. & Lil does too! UGH it was so precious. Lil sat on me while I was holding Molly, & she said, "beebee! It's beebee Mowwy!" & she gave her kisses, & held her bottle! She also got into my suitcase & found my brush & brushed Molly's hair. hahaha. & she busted into my room & said, "where's beebee?!!!" They're going to be best friends. It's so precious.
--Anyway, my big annoucement that I'm not too happy about...
I'm applying to corning for the fall 2009 semester...yes, this semester...Yes, as in I have to move back next month. My credits from Yuba aren't going to transfer, & I can't waste anymore time.
It depresses me a lot. I don't want to leave California.
So I don't even know where to start...at all. I'm guessing I'll just leave everything I packed here...send the majority of my stuff out in packages, & take off for New York in the middle of August. Steve will probably end up getting a 1 bedroom apartment...I'm going to apply for all the financial aid I can get my hands on..& I'll probably end up getting a weekend job. Ugh the next 2 years are going to suck asshole. & I'm really really going to miss California. That's all I ever talk about since I left haha. All I ever talk about is april, thomas, scott, & Chels & how much I miss them lol. So this is going to suck alot.
I haven't told Steve yet...he doesn't like to talk to me on the phone so I haven't really bugged him today. I am enjoying some time away from him though. hahaha. ...I guess I get alot of time away from him now. I just can't believe this. I really didn't plan this to happen...& I didn't even make up a plan for "what if" it actually DID happen.
Well, it really did happen. & now I'm fucked. & stuck here.
I have to somehow magically afford daycare which runs around $25 a day...I'll be in school 5 days a week...that's a hefty $500+ a month. Ugh. I don't know what I'm going to do at all. I don't have $500 a month first of all! I might have to schedule my classes so I only go twice a week..then it'll only run around $200 a month..which I still don't really have. & then on top of that, I have to get on WIC....switch my driver's license & plates...move all my shit back here....drive back here...Ugh. I need to sit on this one for awhile. I really have no clue what I'm going to do...at all. I'm most likely going to have to get a job. & if I do, I'll probably end up getting my own place.
This sucks so bad I could cry.
July 2, 2009
Well. Since I really have nothing better to do with my time besides take care of Molly, the casa, & do my online classes, I decided it's time for a hobby. So I found one. Ready?
Cake decorating!
--I don't know who the hell I'm going to make cakes for, but it's my dream job! If I could be good at anything, it would be that. I'll get the supplies next month when I get paid & see how it goes! --& no, not cake decorating like those old ladies at the bakery. I'm talking like ace of cakes or cake boss decorating with the fondant! Those look more fun to me!
So yeah. I'm basically sitting here trying to figure out how to make this crap, & trying to get in touch with my artistic side. I'm really excited to get started. I might just make one tonight for the hell of it. (Well, not tonight. I have to go get a dresser & start packing for New York cause I leave tomorrow!)
So. Maybe when I get home. haha. I'll see if my mommy is willing to relinquish some baking supplies to me...& then I'll bake a cake! --for Mj's birthday! YEAH!!!!!! She's coming out to visit me from July 28-aug 5. Her birthday is on August 1st! & I'm so excited! So, she'll be my first victim. haha. Hopefully it turns out good. I can't wait to get started! Until then, I'll be watching youtube DIY videos, looking at people's pictures, & reading wikihow for the next month. Hopefully I can get the hang of this!
So I guess it's time for an update, yes?
Okay.
Well, my online class is..uh. Not going too well. I suck at it! If I miss like 3 questions on a test, I fail basically. & it's open book so I should have no reason to miss 3 questions, but I do! EVERYTIME! My average right now is a 67%...It needs to be a 75% for me to go to the next class. I think I did good on my midterm. I should've gotten a 91% if I got all the answers that I knew right. So hopefully that boosts my grade a little!
Miss Molly is doing great. Since I last updated, I was putting her to bed in her swing. Well, I moved her to her crib about a week ago, & we're both getting lots of sleep! & by lots, I mean 7 hours a night! & she's on my schedule so we wake up around the same time & I'm not too tired to take care of her! Needless to say, we're both very happy. haha. She won't even fall asleep on me anymore. It has to be in her crib. Today she started smiling a lot! It's adorable. She couldn't care less if I talked to her in a baby voice, but now she loves it! I pinched her cheeks & said, "I love you to pieces!" In a high pitched voice, & she ate that shit up! She was cooing & smiling! It was so adorable. If I loved her anymore than I already do, I think I would explode!
Steve is doing good. He's been a lot happier lately. Yesteday he sprained his ankle at work, & they still made him work! a 12 hour day no less! fuckers. Ugh. I wish I could give them a piece of my mind. When he got home he was limping! It was THAT bad. He's not a pussy when it comes to pain like I am, so I know it must've hurt. It wasn't really a bad sprain cause his ankle wasn't too swollen, but it was still pretty swollen. & THEN he wouldn't even let me take care of him! I would try to get him something & he would say, "I'm not crippled!" & hop on 1 foot to get it himself. hahaha.
& as for me..
I still have pica from being pregnant! I went out & bought an ice crusher (well. slushie maker.) So I could have crushed ice whenever I want...I ate laundry soap, my body wash, & my hand soap, (which didn't taste too good!) & now I'm craving dirt. Weird. Oh, & by "ate" I mean just a little taste. I didn't drink a gallon of laundry soap or anything. haha. So yeah. I need to start eating better. I swore off fast food, but there's nothing to eat here & I don't want to go grocery shopping cause I'm leaving in a few days! I've been addicted to crunchwraps & the pina colada fruitista freezes from taco bell. I've gotten them daily for about a week, & that's my meal for the day. I forget to eat I guess. Butttt let me give you a rundown of those nutrition facts...
For a crunchwrap, they contain like. 560 calories, & the fruitista freezes have 230 calories. So grand total, that's like 790 calories a day I'm getting. Not good. & pica is caused by vitamin deficiences, so until I start eating like a normal person again...It's not going to go away. Hopefully going back home & having 3 meals a day might help with that. & I'll have help with Molly so there's no excuse for me to forget to eat! Right now I'm eating mandarin chicken & white rice....leftovers from dinner last night. It has so much msg in it I think I'm going to be sick. & I feel super dehydrated. Maybe I'll just get the white rice next time. I have a new-found love for it. haha.
Welllllll. That's whats up with me I guess. I'm going to get a start on packing...still haven't gotten around to it.
--Oh, & I hope everyone has a good 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday!
Cake decorating!
--I don't know who the hell I'm going to make cakes for, but it's my dream job! If I could be good at anything, it would be that. I'll get the supplies next month when I get paid & see how it goes! --& no, not cake decorating like those old ladies at the bakery. I'm talking like ace of cakes or cake boss decorating with the fondant! Those look more fun to me!
So yeah. I'm basically sitting here trying to figure out how to make this crap, & trying to get in touch with my artistic side. I'm really excited to get started. I might just make one tonight for the hell of it. (Well, not tonight. I have to go get a dresser & start packing for New York cause I leave tomorrow!)
So. Maybe when I get home. haha. I'll see if my mommy is willing to relinquish some baking supplies to me...& then I'll bake a cake! --for Mj's birthday! YEAH!!!!!! She's coming out to visit me from July 28-aug 5. Her birthday is on August 1st! & I'm so excited! So, she'll be my first victim. haha. Hopefully it turns out good. I can't wait to get started! Until then, I'll be watching youtube DIY videos, looking at people's pictures, & reading wikihow for the next month. Hopefully I can get the hang of this!
So I guess it's time for an update, yes?
Okay.
Well, my online class is..uh. Not going too well. I suck at it! If I miss like 3 questions on a test, I fail basically. & it's open book so I should have no reason to miss 3 questions, but I do! EVERYTIME! My average right now is a 67%...It needs to be a 75% for me to go to the next class. I think I did good on my midterm. I should've gotten a 91% if I got all the answers that I knew right. So hopefully that boosts my grade a little!
Miss Molly is doing great. Since I last updated, I was putting her to bed in her swing. Well, I moved her to her crib about a week ago, & we're both getting lots of sleep! & by lots, I mean 7 hours a night! & she's on my schedule so we wake up around the same time & I'm not too tired to take care of her! Needless to say, we're both very happy. haha. She won't even fall asleep on me anymore. It has to be in her crib. Today she started smiling a lot! It's adorable. She couldn't care less if I talked to her in a baby voice, but now she loves it! I pinched her cheeks & said, "I love you to pieces!" In a high pitched voice, & she ate that shit up! She was cooing & smiling! It was so adorable. If I loved her anymore than I already do, I think I would explode!
Steve is doing good. He's been a lot happier lately. Yesteday he sprained his ankle at work, & they still made him work! a 12 hour day no less! fuckers. Ugh. I wish I could give them a piece of my mind. When he got home he was limping! It was THAT bad. He's not a pussy when it comes to pain like I am, so I know it must've hurt. It wasn't really a bad sprain cause his ankle wasn't too swollen, but it was still pretty swollen. & THEN he wouldn't even let me take care of him! I would try to get him something & he would say, "I'm not crippled!" & hop on 1 foot to get it himself. hahaha.
& as for me..
I still have pica from being pregnant! I went out & bought an ice crusher (well. slushie maker.) So I could have crushed ice whenever I want...I ate laundry soap, my body wash, & my hand soap, (which didn't taste too good!) & now I'm craving dirt. Weird. Oh, & by "ate" I mean just a little taste. I didn't drink a gallon of laundry soap or anything. haha. So yeah. I need to start eating better. I swore off fast food, but there's nothing to eat here & I don't want to go grocery shopping cause I'm leaving in a few days! I've been addicted to crunchwraps & the pina colada fruitista freezes from taco bell. I've gotten them daily for about a week, & that's my meal for the day. I forget to eat I guess. Butttt let me give you a rundown of those nutrition facts...
For a crunchwrap, they contain like. 560 calories, & the fruitista freezes have 230 calories. So grand total, that's like 790 calories a day I'm getting. Not good. & pica is caused by vitamin deficiences, so until I start eating like a normal person again...It's not going to go away. Hopefully going back home & having 3 meals a day might help with that. & I'll have help with Molly so there's no excuse for me to forget to eat! Right now I'm eating mandarin chicken & white rice....leftovers from dinner last night. It has so much msg in it I think I'm going to be sick. & I feel super dehydrated. Maybe I'll just get the white rice next time. I have a new-found love for it. haha.
Welllllll. That's whats up with me I guess. I'm going to get a start on packing...still haven't gotten around to it.
--Oh, & I hope everyone has a good 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday!
June 21, 2009
Hey everyone.
It's been awhile since I've updated. Nothing much going on here at all. Molly is going to be a month old in 1 minute.
My big girl.
I finally got Molly to sleep through the night for real this time! We've been following a bedtime routine for the past couple weeks, & I think she's starting to fall into it! Around 10 or 11 I give her a bath with bedtime bubbles & lotion, then I wrap her up real tight in her miracle blanket, (she loves that thing!) & give her 4oz of rice formula & put her in her swing...& she's out for 6 hours! YAY! She's getting so big. She can hold her head up pretty good. & she smiles once in awhile. Her favorite thing in the world is to nap on my chest. It's adorable. I'm so attached to her!
Anyway, other than miss Molly getting old, I've been doing pretty good. I started my online class on Monday...yyyyyeah, not doing too hott though. I got a 77 on my quiz, & a..66 on my first test.
I need to pass with a "C" so hopefully I can improve! I thought I would do so much better! & my pregnancy weight is almost gone. I'm down to 146 from 176. Pre-pregnancy I was 132, so I'm almost there! & I'm never going to call myself fat again from now on! Cause I know what fat is! haha.
Still haven't quite figured out the whole home visit thing...I think I might've over-reacted & just been like, "OMG IT'S CPS COMING FOR NO REASON!" --No, if it was CPS, they would have to have a good reason I'm sure. I think Melissa was right...the lady was probably just making sure I was doing everything right cause I'm young, & checking for postpartum depression. I'll ask her when she visits again. --Oh, & turns out she didn't come over un-announced. She called Steve's cell phone & he didn't tell me! So my house could've been uh..visitor friendly when she came over if I knew! I'm still embarassed about that!
Wellllll, I guess I should get going...even though I have nothing better to do. My homework is done, lecture doesn't get posted til 7am, Molly is passed out, Steve is passed out, house is clean.....What to do?!!!
I need a hobby.
--Okay, well. I'll update again later!
I hope everyone had a good Father's day!
It's been awhile since I've updated. Nothing much going on here at all. Molly is going to be a month old in 1 minute.
My big girl.I finally got Molly to sleep through the night for real this time! We've been following a bedtime routine for the past couple weeks, & I think she's starting to fall into it! Around 10 or 11 I give her a bath with bedtime bubbles & lotion, then I wrap her up real tight in her miracle blanket, (she loves that thing!) & give her 4oz of rice formula & put her in her swing...& she's out for 6 hours! YAY! She's getting so big. She can hold her head up pretty good. & she smiles once in awhile. Her favorite thing in the world is to nap on my chest. It's adorable. I'm so attached to her!
Anyway, other than miss Molly getting old, I've been doing pretty good. I started my online class on Monday...yyyyyeah, not doing too hott though. I got a 77 on my quiz, & a..66 on my first test.
I need to pass with a "C" so hopefully I can improve! I thought I would do so much better! & my pregnancy weight is almost gone. I'm down to 146 from 176. Pre-pregnancy I was 132, so I'm almost there! & I'm never going to call myself fat again from now on! Cause I know what fat is! haha.Still haven't quite figured out the whole home visit thing...I think I might've over-reacted & just been like, "OMG IT'S CPS COMING FOR NO REASON!" --No, if it was CPS, they would have to have a good reason I'm sure. I think Melissa was right...the lady was probably just making sure I was doing everything right cause I'm young, & checking for postpartum depression. I'll ask her when she visits again. --Oh, & turns out she didn't come over un-announced. She called Steve's cell phone & he didn't tell me! So my house could've been uh..visitor friendly when she came over if I knew! I'm still embarassed about that!
Wellllll, I guess I should get going...even though I have nothing better to do. My homework is done, lecture doesn't get posted til 7am, Molly is passed out, Steve is passed out, house is clean.....What to do?!!!
I need a hobby.
--Okay, well. I'll update again later!
I hope everyone had a good Father's day!
June 11, 2009
Current mood:
scared & it was bullshit. Complete bullshit. I guess I'll just tell the story.
Yesterday morning around 11, I was half awake; I just made Molly a bottle & I was feeding her when I heard a knock on my door. My house was disgusting, I was disgusting, Molly was disgusting, & I was sleeping on the couch...so I had blankets & pillows strewn across my living room. Along with a pile of dirty diapers that I didn't feel like throwing away in the middle of the night. I also had garbage lined up down my hallway ready to be taken out, a sink full of dirty dishes, dirty dinner plates on the table from dinner the night before, & dirty bottles across my living room floor.
Guess who I opened up the door to?
A fucking health inspector.
She asked if she could come in, & I said, "okay, don't mind the mess." & she kinda just looked disgusted. She sat down on my loveseat covered in cat hair, & started bombarding me with questions. First, she told me the hospital sent her to check on me? & then she told me I have to go to mandatory parenting classes that she signed me up for?
& then the interrogation begins.
"Do you do drugs?"
.."No."
"Smoke?"
"..No."
"How about drink alcohol?"
"..No?"
"Okay, then why are there two empty bottles up there on your cabinets?"
"My husband drinks on occasion."
"So you do drink alcohol?"
"I guess."
"Did you try breast feeding?"
"Yeah, but it didn't work out...I pumped, & saw lactation consultants, but she wouldn't latch & I wasn't making enough."
"So you basically failed?"
"I guess?"
"Does your husband beat you?"
"Absolutely not!"
"Why are you sleeping on the couch then?"
"Because it's easier to get to the kitchen?"
"Well, where does baby sleep? All I see is a couch & a swing.."
"With me when she fusses...But for the night she sleeps in the swing."
--Yeah. She wrote down everything I said, & treated every single one of my answers like I was too stupid to know what I was talking about.
& THEN, she gave me all of this crap about shaken baby syndrome & talked to me like I was going to go psycho any second or something!
Ugh there was so much more. She went through my kitchen, & made me prepare formula to see if I was doing it right, & just all of this bullshit! She asked me if I had any questions about Molly, & I asked her what to do when she's constipated & the health inspector told me to give her juice! JUICE! I know better than that! She's only 3 weeks old!
--Anyway, she brought over a scale & weighed Molly..turns out she's 8lbs, 10ozs! She was just 7lbs 15ozs on Friday! My big girl.
After that, she told me that since things "don't look so good" that she's checking back in 30 days?!
First of all, I would love to know what I did that was so wrong for the hospital to call social services on me...I know I'm not a bad mother. I love Molly more than anything in the whole world, & I give up everything just to take care of her. I go hours without eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom, etc etc etc just so she can be happy. I'm doing everything I possibly can for her, & in my opinion, that makes me a good mom. Not to mention that she's a really good baby, & I've been blessed with a set of mother instincts sharper than a safety pin. I know what pisses her off, I know what makes her happy...I always know exactly what she wants. Molly has never cried for more than 2 minutes when I'm with her. & I know what I'm doing 99.99% of the time. I've researched everything there is to know about babies. I have books upon books that I've read. I know when to call the doctor. I know when something isn't right....There is no reason I should be under investigation!
I guess their main concern is that I have no family here so they think I'm a ticking time bomb when it comes to postpartum depression & being overwhelmed. & I can't just go dump Molly on a family member while I cry or go psycho or whatever they think I'm going to do... & the fact that I'm only 18. Again in my opinion, there's a difference between being saddled with a baby & welcoming an addition to your family. I'm not a teenager in high school being saddled with a baby I don't want. I'm not overwhelmed. In fact, I've never been happier. Not only that, but I'm married, in college, financially stable, I have my own car, my own income, a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood...Why me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just can't believe this is happening to me. Seriously! There are complete idiots out there that have children....I'm not one of them! & the whole judging me because I'm 18 is bullshit! Some of the best moms I know are teenagers! ...(Then again, some of the worst moms I know are teenagers.
) --Seriously though. I don't come off as a stupid teenager who doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm completely grown up. I've grown out of the teenage selfishness...I have a good head on my shoulders...& I've been through a lot of crap since I've graduated. As far as I'm concerned, I'm an adult now.--Well. I needed to vent. I just hope for whatever reason they're investigating me for is a good one. I don't deserve this.
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