Current mood:
crushed Remember how I said Steve was doing great last week? Really he was. I was so proud of him. Now I could not be more un-attracted to him! He's back to playing world of fuckinggayfuckcraft, everything I say goes in one ear & out the other, he never wants to be around me....yeah. needless to say he's been the cause of my miserable-ness this week. & I honestly do not know how to fix it. I cleaned the house to make him happy, but it didn't make him happy....I've tried everything. It's almost like he's so miserable that it's rubbing off on me.
& is it sad that I wish I was the computer sometimes? I wish I was his iphone too! He's always on 1 of those things. Oh & not to mention, he spent fucking $380 on computer parts this week. I could've killed him! Really! I was so jealous. I haven't gotten to buy myself something in a very VERY long time. & when I do treat myself to something, it's a $35 pedicure once a month...& THAT'S FUCKING IT. That's all I get! Everything I do goes to Molly. Everything he does goes to himself. He doesn't even care about us. He thinks just because he pays the bills, he doesn't have to listen to me or even be my friend I guess. He just avoids me all the time. Like even simple conversations! I'll say something like, "Hey Molly is awake!" & he just ignores me. & it's little stuff like that he does that just hurts me. It seems like he never wants to carry on a conversation with me...never wants to go on a walk with me...never wants to do ANYTHING with me ever! I wish he would just tell me that he didn't care instead of just leading me on like this. Nothing could hurt worse, I promise. --Ugh I've just been so heartbroken lately. It's getting hard to live here...I hate to say it. & you know what makes it even harder?!I've been busting my ass in school to try to get into nursing, & the WHOLE TIME I've been doing that, look what corning's nursing program requires!
Program Requirements
English (ENGL 1010 and 1020 or 1030. By placement)
6 Nursing (NURS 1100, 1500, 2000, 2100, 2500)
Mathematics elective (MATH 1015 recommended)
3-4 Nursing elective*
Social Sciences (PSYC 1101, SOCI 1010)
(non-nursing courses)
Laboratory Science (SCIN 1010-1020)
First Aid (HLTH 2007 or 1100)
What the hell!!!! I have over half of those classes finished already! & that's the actual nursing program. Yeah, I'm still doing pre-requisites to even apply for the nursing program here! UGH I can't fucking believe this! I think I know where I'm going after the fall semester....--Oh, & not to mention, the only pre-requisites they require are math 1215, (I have the equivalent; Math 111) & high school bio & chem! HIGH SCHOOL!
I feel like I just wasted so much time! & now I'm about to waste a whole semester. I think it's too late to transfer, or I would in a heartbeat. I'm seriously going to be kicking myself in the ass for this for a very long time. Steve & I already talked this over about me moving home early, but at this rate I think I'll be moving home even earlier.--Sorry this is a miserable blog. I just wish Molly would get here already. I doubt it'll make Steve change, but it's worth a shot, right?
ugh. We can only hope. I've never been so hurt in my life.--Oh, & not to mention, April is in North Carolina for a few weeks! I'm glad she's on vacation though. She really needed it! But I've been so bored lately. While Steve is worshipping the computer when he gets home, I usually head over to April's. & now that school is over, I honestly have nothing to do but sit around & wait. Ugh it's making me crazy!
--once again, sorry this blog sucks. I really really really wish I had something good to say, but I don't. I really just needed to vent.
l8r.
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