I need to update! So much has happened in the past 5 days!
Oh, & just so everyone knows, I turned on anonymous commenting so you non-blogspot followers can comment now!
I am amazing. haha.
Well..Today was great. Molly grabbed my shoe today! I was so proud of her! I even got it on video...Which I'm really reluctant to post cause I was talking through the whole thing & saying the stupidest stuff EVER....Like, "Oh, maybe you'll have a pair of converse someday!" ..& totally ruining the moment. Yeck. But she's getting so big. She weighs 14 lbs now! ..Which puts her in the 75th percentile. Maybe I should cut out the rice bottle at night? She's getting too big too fast!
Sooooo other than the Molly update, things are great here. I start school this Wednesday. I'm really excited. I finally get to learn something related to nursing! I found out we're going to dissect a cadaver in anatomy. *shudders* I'm excited, but kinda grossed out at the same time. Dead people freak me out! & We also get to paralyze a live frog & see how it's nerves work. Now THAT is going to be fun! I don't know of any cool stuff we get to do in physiology though...But I'm sure it'll be just as cool.
........I suddenly don't feel like updating anymore!
--Anyway, if you're reading this, leave me a comment so I know how many readers I have! Sorry this was the world's most boring entry!
Ciao!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Long time, No blog!
Omg, it's been almost a month since my last blog.
I'm officially the worst mom EVER. Molly is right next to me watching Blue's Clues. hahaha. I was really dead set on not letting her watch tv until she turned 2, but....she insisted. & she's being quiet for once...So how could I resist?
Anyway, let's see. I have a lot to catch up on I suppose.
As you can see, I took all of my blogs from myspace & moved them to this awesomely awesome blogspot! I think I'm done with myspace. I'm going to switch to facebook. I like it a lot more. Myspace is on it's way out I think.
--Ugh. I guess Blue's Clues just got boring.........
--Okay. Anyway!
Molly got her first set of shots on the 22nd of July. My poor little girl. I cried too! haha. But yeah. Turns out she had a raging yeast rash on her neck. I noticed it in the doctor's office that day cause it had puss & all of this gross stuff oozing out of it. How's that for convenient? It's been coming & going since then. She's had about 3 since we got the nystatin cream for it. She just got over one actually. --& I don't know why you care about that. haha. MOVING ON!
My sister Mj came out from New York to visit me on the 28th! We had so much fun. & she was such a big help. I woke up to her cleaning my house almost every morning. & she helped out so much with Molly. When it came time for her to leave on the 5th, I called my mommy to see what time she had to be at the airport...Turns out she didn't actually leave until the 11th! So she stayed 6 extra days. We had so much fun. She just left this morning. :( Molly just loved her to pieces.
Well now it's time for the school update. About that online math course I took over the summer? I got a "D". :( So I have to re-take it. Atleast I didn't fail! So yeah. Now instead of going to school on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 11am-9pm, I go everyday. I go on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 1-9 now, Monday & Wednesday from 10-10:50, & Fridays from 9-10:50. *Le sigh.* April agreed to babysit my little bambino everyday though. She's such a good friend.
So Steve dropped a huge bomb on me yesterday; He might possibly be going to Maryland for a couple weeks next month to catch & launch global hawks to the desert. Not worried at all. I need some alone time. :) hahaha. He's doing pretty good though. He's been helping out with Molly a lot more which has been great. --Oh, & He impressed his commander last week big time! The commander gave him a day off & said something like, "In all my 20 years here, no one has ever done as good of a job as you." So I was really proud of him! :)
Well, there's a blog. I'm sure I'll lose about half of my readers from switching to blogspot. :( Oh well. Maybe I'll get more new ones. Who knows!
Toodaloo!
I'm officially the worst mom EVER. Molly is right next to me watching Blue's Clues. hahaha. I was really dead set on not letting her watch tv until she turned 2, but....she insisted. & she's being quiet for once...So how could I resist?
Anyway, let's see. I have a lot to catch up on I suppose.
As you can see, I took all of my blogs from myspace & moved them to this awesomely awesome blogspot! I think I'm done with myspace. I'm going to switch to facebook. I like it a lot more. Myspace is on it's way out I think.
--Ugh. I guess Blue's Clues just got boring.........
--Okay. Anyway!
Molly got her first set of shots on the 22nd of July. My poor little girl. I cried too! haha. But yeah. Turns out she had a raging yeast rash on her neck. I noticed it in the doctor's office that day cause it had puss & all of this gross stuff oozing out of it. How's that for convenient? It's been coming & going since then. She's had about 3 since we got the nystatin cream for it. She just got over one actually. --& I don't know why you care about that. haha. MOVING ON!
My sister Mj came out from New York to visit me on the 28th! We had so much fun. & she was such a big help. I woke up to her cleaning my house almost every morning. & she helped out so much with Molly. When it came time for her to leave on the 5th, I called my mommy to see what time she had to be at the airport...Turns out she didn't actually leave until the 11th! So she stayed 6 extra days. We had so much fun. She just left this morning. :( Molly just loved her to pieces.
Well now it's time for the school update. About that online math course I took over the summer? I got a "D". :( So I have to re-take it. Atleast I didn't fail! So yeah. Now instead of going to school on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 11am-9pm, I go everyday. I go on Tuesdays & Thursdays from 1-9 now, Monday & Wednesday from 10-10:50, & Fridays from 9-10:50. *Le sigh.* April agreed to babysit my little bambino everyday though. She's such a good friend.
So Steve dropped a huge bomb on me yesterday; He might possibly be going to Maryland for a couple weeks next month to catch & launch global hawks to the desert. Not worried at all. I need some alone time. :) hahaha. He's doing pretty good though. He's been helping out with Molly a lot more which has been great. --Oh, & He impressed his commander last week big time! The commander gave him a day off & said something like, "In all my 20 years here, no one has ever done as good of a job as you." So I was really proud of him! :)
Well, there's a blog. I'm sure I'll lose about half of my readers from switching to blogspot. :( Oh well. Maybe I'll get more new ones. Who knows!
Toodaloo!
Friday, August 7, 2009
July 15, 2009
I don't know why.
Biologically, I am a parent. I gave birth to an offspring, nurtured my offspring; etc. etc. etc. But I don't feel like a mom. I feel like Molly is a pet or something. I constantly find myself feeling awkward when I rush to her side & say, "Mommy's here! It's okay!" ..mommy is here?! me?! a MOM?!
I guess it wouldn't be so weird if I changed who I was. Inside, I still feel as if I'm a little kid.
For example:
Today when Steve & I went grocery shopping, we had to do separate shopping in order to make our visit to wal-mart a brief one. For some reason, I felt like men were scrutinizing me like they were wondering whether or not to kidnap me. My mom put all these crazy thoughts into my head as a kid when I took off by myself....I guess it's just a habit of thinking. But kidnap? as in ..kidnap? a kid?! I'm a sophmore in college, I have a 2 month old, I'm married, all grown up....I don't know why this thought occured to me.
I couldn't help but wonder if my mom ever felt so helpless sometimes.
--Or when I go to get gas, my biggest fear. I suck at getting gas. I hold the trigger with my 2 fingers & turn towards the pump incase my car catches on fire & I have to bolt. I find myself pleading with the gas pump to pump gas faster so I don't have to stand there anymore....just watching the numbers increase faster & faster hoping that nothing crazy happens. It never does of course. The worst luck I've had at a gas station is my card being declined, or getting my fingers pinched in the trigger...or sometimes out of anxious-ness, I forget to close the gas tank. Which happens a few times a year sadly.
I'm also deathly afraid of trains. & thunderstorms. & being alone in the dark. I get panic attacks all the time because I can't calm myself down. I'm scared of bugs. All of those stupid cliche little things that everyone is somewhat scared of frightens me to no avail.
I thought moms weren't afraid of anything....
When I visited in New York, I found myself doing backhandsprings on the trampoline again, playing bulldog, torturing Errick, instantly turning into a wimp in the presence of my mom.....Everything I used to do before Molly was even a thought. I found myself loudly telling potty jokes in a restaurant..grating on my mom's nerves as usual of course. I found myself laughing until I busted a rib with Mj like we always do.....
It's like nothing ever changed. But it did.
Maybe moms just put up a front in front of their kids. I mean...nobody is perfect. I read a story once about a plane that almost crashed. --I forgot where I read it. But the lady who wrote the story was on board with her 7 year old daughter. There was tons of turbulence on a red eye flight, & the plane started violently descending. The daughter woke up & asked, "What's happening? Are we going to be okay?" & the mom said, "Yes, don't worry. Just go back to sleep." Even though she was scared beyond shitless & she didn't even know if they were going to make it out okay. If that was me I would be like, "HELL NO! We're going to crash!" I wouldn't even think to lie! I would be too worried & to scared to think of something comforting like that to say!
Idk. Maybe I just don't feel like a mom because my personality, morals, & my values haven't come into play yet. All I do is feed, bathe, change, & soothe Molly. I don't have a normal conversation with her. I don't make up rules for her. I don't tell her what's wrong & what's right. & all she thinks about is her next meal. She doesn't care about anything yet. She doesn't ask me crazy questions & expect a legitimate answer. She doesn't care if the tv is on or off. She doesn't care if we walk past a playground. She doesn't care if I eat junk food for breakfast lunch & dinner...She's just a baby. & a really content one at that. I feel like it's too easy. Something is going to happen.
--Anyway, enough of my word vomit. Time for an update I guess?
My trip back to New York was really good. I saw Lindsay & Brandon finally! I didn't get around to seeing all the people I wanted to, but that's only cause my cell phone kicked the bucket towards the end of my trip. I'm getting it fixed soon though.
I talked to a Corning representative last week about transferring. Good news: all of my credits transfer! All of them! So I'm not moving back next month. Thank God. The even better news? All the remaining classes I need besides nursing 1 I can take online. So I don't even have to find daycare! I can't start nursing I until next fall anyway. & there's no waiting list. So everything is all set. I just have to talk to a counselor here & find out what I have to do to transfer, fill out an application to Corning, make out my schedule, & I'll be all set. I'm not looking forward to it one bit, but. I absolutely have to do it. I can't stay in California, even though I really want to.
Julie's wedding was amazing. She looked so beautiful & happy. I kept telling her I was going to make her cry before I left, but she held up pretty good. 30 minutes before the wedding started, I busted into her dressing room to get an update on everything, (I was her organist!) so I needed to be in the loop. Before I left, I gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Hall! I'll miss you!" & then I pasted a fake grin across my face trying not to cry myself & said, "Did I get you?!!!" & she said, "nope. you're not going to get me today!" At the reception, I gave her another hug & said, "Hi Julie Cady!!!" ...still nothing. However before I left the reception, me & Molly gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Cady! See you in 7 months!" --& SHE CRIED! I had a devious smile on my face, & she started laughing. The last thing I said to her was, "I told you I would get you!"
My mom pointed out that ever since I moved to California, I have a sick obsession with trying to make everyone cry. Everyone just worships me now; I can't help it! I made my mom cry 13 times that whole trip without even trying! 13 times!!! I played her favorite song on the piano, & she locked herself in the bathroom..which I really got a kick out of. When she came out, me & mj just pointed & laughed. All she had to say was, "You better play that song at my funeral, & all 4 of you better be standing over my casket crying! I'll make sure of it!" ...It was pretty funny. The rest of the times were pretty standard stuff...coming downstairs with Molly in the morning, laughing with Mj, seeing Lil for the first time...yeah, my mom is a softy. All of these events sparked the waterworks. At the airport, my mom told me I wasn't going to get her to cry. It took alot of thinking, but before I left I said, "This is your last 18 year old hug from me!" ...Yep, that got her going. hahahaha. I asked her if she put Molly's bottle in her diaper bag right before I was about to board & she said, "No! I forgot it!" I could've killed her at that second! I started dialing the house to see if there was a sliver of hope that someone, anyone could bring it to me! & then she said, "I'm just kidding! You live to make me cry, & I live to scare you." She reaches into her purse & pulls out Molly's bottle. She was planning this...
So that was the basis of my trip. I had a great time. Steve did too. He was so happy the whole time. I can't wait for 2 years to go by so he's happy again.
Anyway, I'm pooped. I have a visit from the health department lady tomorrow, & my house needs to be picked up! I might have to wake up early to clean! shit!
l8r alligators.
Biologically, I am a parent. I gave birth to an offspring, nurtured my offspring; etc. etc. etc. But I don't feel like a mom. I feel like Molly is a pet or something. I constantly find myself feeling awkward when I rush to her side & say, "Mommy's here! It's okay!" ..mommy is here?! me?! a MOM?!
I guess it wouldn't be so weird if I changed who I was. Inside, I still feel as if I'm a little kid.
For example:
Today when Steve & I went grocery shopping, we had to do separate shopping in order to make our visit to wal-mart a brief one. For some reason, I felt like men were scrutinizing me like they were wondering whether or not to kidnap me. My mom put all these crazy thoughts into my head as a kid when I took off by myself....I guess it's just a habit of thinking. But kidnap? as in ..kidnap? a kid?! I'm a sophmore in college, I have a 2 month old, I'm married, all grown up....I don't know why this thought occured to me.
I couldn't help but wonder if my mom ever felt so helpless sometimes.
--Or when I go to get gas, my biggest fear. I suck at getting gas. I hold the trigger with my 2 fingers & turn towards the pump incase my car catches on fire & I have to bolt. I find myself pleading with the gas pump to pump gas faster so I don't have to stand there anymore....just watching the numbers increase faster & faster hoping that nothing crazy happens. It never does of course. The worst luck I've had at a gas station is my card being declined, or getting my fingers pinched in the trigger...or sometimes out of anxious-ness, I forget to close the gas tank. Which happens a few times a year sadly.
I'm also deathly afraid of trains. & thunderstorms. & being alone in the dark. I get panic attacks all the time because I can't calm myself down. I'm scared of bugs. All of those stupid cliche little things that everyone is somewhat scared of frightens me to no avail.
I thought moms weren't afraid of anything....
When I visited in New York, I found myself doing backhandsprings on the trampoline again, playing bulldog, torturing Errick, instantly turning into a wimp in the presence of my mom.....Everything I used to do before Molly was even a thought. I found myself loudly telling potty jokes in a restaurant..grating on my mom's nerves as usual of course. I found myself laughing until I busted a rib with Mj like we always do.....
It's like nothing ever changed. But it did.
Maybe moms just put up a front in front of their kids. I mean...nobody is perfect. I read a story once about a plane that almost crashed. --I forgot where I read it. But the lady who wrote the story was on board with her 7 year old daughter. There was tons of turbulence on a red eye flight, & the plane started violently descending. The daughter woke up & asked, "What's happening? Are we going to be okay?" & the mom said, "Yes, don't worry. Just go back to sleep." Even though she was scared beyond shitless & she didn't even know if they were going to make it out okay. If that was me I would be like, "HELL NO! We're going to crash!" I wouldn't even think to lie! I would be too worried & to scared to think of something comforting like that to say!
Idk. Maybe I just don't feel like a mom because my personality, morals, & my values haven't come into play yet. All I do is feed, bathe, change, & soothe Molly. I don't have a normal conversation with her. I don't make up rules for her. I don't tell her what's wrong & what's right. & all she thinks about is her next meal. She doesn't care about anything yet. She doesn't ask me crazy questions & expect a legitimate answer. She doesn't care if the tv is on or off. She doesn't care if we walk past a playground. She doesn't care if I eat junk food for breakfast lunch & dinner...She's just a baby. & a really content one at that. I feel like it's too easy. Something is going to happen.
--Anyway, enough of my word vomit. Time for an update I guess?
My trip back to New York was really good. I saw Lindsay & Brandon finally! I didn't get around to seeing all the people I wanted to, but that's only cause my cell phone kicked the bucket towards the end of my trip. I'm getting it fixed soon though.
I talked to a Corning representative last week about transferring. Good news: all of my credits transfer! All of them! So I'm not moving back next month. Thank God. The even better news? All the remaining classes I need besides nursing 1 I can take online. So I don't even have to find daycare! I can't start nursing I until next fall anyway. & there's no waiting list. So everything is all set. I just have to talk to a counselor here & find out what I have to do to transfer, fill out an application to Corning, make out my schedule, & I'll be all set. I'm not looking forward to it one bit, but. I absolutely have to do it. I can't stay in California, even though I really want to.
Julie's wedding was amazing. She looked so beautiful & happy. I kept telling her I was going to make her cry before I left, but she held up pretty good. 30 minutes before the wedding started, I busted into her dressing room to get an update on everything, (I was her organist!) so I needed to be in the loop. Before I left, I gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Hall! I'll miss you!" & then I pasted a fake grin across my face trying not to cry myself & said, "Did I get you?!!!" & she said, "nope. you're not going to get me today!" At the reception, I gave her another hug & said, "Hi Julie Cady!!!" ...still nothing. However before I left the reception, me & Molly gave her a hug & said, "Bye Julie Cady! See you in 7 months!" --& SHE CRIED! I had a devious smile on my face, & she started laughing. The last thing I said to her was, "I told you I would get you!"
My mom pointed out that ever since I moved to California, I have a sick obsession with trying to make everyone cry. Everyone just worships me now; I can't help it! I made my mom cry 13 times that whole trip without even trying! 13 times!!! I played her favorite song on the piano, & she locked herself in the bathroom..which I really got a kick out of. When she came out, me & mj just pointed & laughed. All she had to say was, "You better play that song at my funeral, & all 4 of you better be standing over my casket crying! I'll make sure of it!" ...It was pretty funny. The rest of the times were pretty standard stuff...coming downstairs with Molly in the morning, laughing with Mj, seeing Lil for the first time...yeah, my mom is a softy. All of these events sparked the waterworks. At the airport, my mom told me I wasn't going to get her to cry. It took alot of thinking, but before I left I said, "This is your last 18 year old hug from me!" ...Yep, that got her going. hahahaha. I asked her if she put Molly's bottle in her diaper bag right before I was about to board & she said, "No! I forgot it!" I could've killed her at that second! I started dialing the house to see if there was a sliver of hope that someone, anyone could bring it to me! & then she said, "I'm just kidding! You live to make me cry, & I live to scare you." She reaches into her purse & pulls out Molly's bottle. She was planning this...
So that was the basis of my trip. I had a great time. Steve did too. He was so happy the whole time. I can't wait for 2 years to go by so he's happy again.
Anyway, I'm pooped. I have a visit from the health department lady tomorrow, & my house needs to be picked up! I might have to wake up early to clean! shit!
l8r alligators.
July 9, 2009
Current mood:
scared hm. This coputer isn't letting me use my usual font.
oh well.
Well, I'm finally back in Elmira. Molly cried a lot during the flight on the way here...but it's okay. She did good for the most part. She has everyone wrapped around her finger! --& she just started smiling when people talk to her, so..yeah. Everyone is in love! She loves her grandmas. She barfed on both of them today! haha. My mom just loves her to pieces. & Lil does too! UGH it was so precious. Lil sat on me while I was holding Molly, & she said, "beebee! It's beebee Mowwy!" & she gave her kisses, & held her bottle! She also got into my suitcase & found my brush & brushed Molly's hair. hahaha. & she busted into my room & said, "where's beebee?!!!" They're going to be best friends. It's so precious.
--Anyway, my big annoucement that I'm not too happy about...
I'm applying to corning for the fall 2009 semester...yes, this semester...Yes, as in I have to move back next month. My credits from Yuba aren't going to transfer, & I can't waste anymore time.
It depresses me a lot. I don't want to leave California.
So I don't even know where to start...at all. I'm guessing I'll just leave everything I packed here...send the majority of my stuff out in packages, & take off for New York in the middle of August. Steve will probably end up getting a 1 bedroom apartment...I'm going to apply for all the financial aid I can get my hands on..& I'll probably end up getting a weekend job. Ugh the next 2 years are going to suck asshole. & I'm really really going to miss California. That's all I ever talk about since I left haha. All I ever talk about is april, thomas, scott, & Chels & how much I miss them lol. So this is going to suck alot.
I haven't told Steve yet...he doesn't like to talk to me on the phone so I haven't really bugged him today. I am enjoying some time away from him though. hahaha. ...I guess I get alot of time away from him now. I just can't believe this. I really didn't plan this to happen...& I didn't even make up a plan for "what if" it actually DID happen.
Well, it really did happen. & now I'm fucked. & stuck here.
I have to somehow magically afford daycare which runs around $25 a day...I'll be in school 5 days a week...that's a hefty $500+ a month. Ugh. I don't know what I'm going to do at all. I don't have $500 a month first of all! I might have to schedule my classes so I only go twice a week..then it'll only run around $200 a month..which I still don't really have. & then on top of that, I have to get on WIC....switch my driver's license & plates...move all my shit back here....drive back here...Ugh. I need to sit on this one for awhile. I really have no clue what I'm going to do...at all. I'm most likely going to have to get a job. & if I do, I'll probably end up getting my own place.
This sucks so bad I could cry.
July 2, 2009
Well. Since I really have nothing better to do with my time besides take care of Molly, the casa, & do my online classes, I decided it's time for a hobby. So I found one. Ready?
Cake decorating!
--I don't know who the hell I'm going to make cakes for, but it's my dream job! If I could be good at anything, it would be that. I'll get the supplies next month when I get paid & see how it goes! --& no, not cake decorating like those old ladies at the bakery. I'm talking like ace of cakes or cake boss decorating with the fondant! Those look more fun to me!
So yeah. I'm basically sitting here trying to figure out how to make this crap, & trying to get in touch with my artistic side. I'm really excited to get started. I might just make one tonight for the hell of it. (Well, not tonight. I have to go get a dresser & start packing for New York cause I leave tomorrow!)
So. Maybe when I get home. haha. I'll see if my mommy is willing to relinquish some baking supplies to me...& then I'll bake a cake! --for Mj's birthday! YEAH!!!!!! She's coming out to visit me from July 28-aug 5. Her birthday is on August 1st! & I'm so excited! So, she'll be my first victim. haha. Hopefully it turns out good. I can't wait to get started! Until then, I'll be watching youtube DIY videos, looking at people's pictures, & reading wikihow for the next month. Hopefully I can get the hang of this!
So I guess it's time for an update, yes?
Okay.
Well, my online class is..uh. Not going too well. I suck at it! If I miss like 3 questions on a test, I fail basically. & it's open book so I should have no reason to miss 3 questions, but I do! EVERYTIME! My average right now is a 67%...It needs to be a 75% for me to go to the next class. I think I did good on my midterm. I should've gotten a 91% if I got all the answers that I knew right. So hopefully that boosts my grade a little!
Miss Molly is doing great. Since I last updated, I was putting her to bed in her swing. Well, I moved her to her crib about a week ago, & we're both getting lots of sleep! & by lots, I mean 7 hours a night! & she's on my schedule so we wake up around the same time & I'm not too tired to take care of her! Needless to say, we're both very happy. haha. She won't even fall asleep on me anymore. It has to be in her crib. Today she started smiling a lot! It's adorable. She couldn't care less if I talked to her in a baby voice, but now she loves it! I pinched her cheeks & said, "I love you to pieces!" In a high pitched voice, & she ate that shit up! She was cooing & smiling! It was so adorable. If I loved her anymore than I already do, I think I would explode!
Steve is doing good. He's been a lot happier lately. Yesteday he sprained his ankle at work, & they still made him work! a 12 hour day no less! fuckers. Ugh. I wish I could give them a piece of my mind. When he got home he was limping! It was THAT bad. He's not a pussy when it comes to pain like I am, so I know it must've hurt. It wasn't really a bad sprain cause his ankle wasn't too swollen, but it was still pretty swollen. & THEN he wouldn't even let me take care of him! I would try to get him something & he would say, "I'm not crippled!" & hop on 1 foot to get it himself. hahaha.
& as for me..
I still have pica from being pregnant! I went out & bought an ice crusher (well. slushie maker.) So I could have crushed ice whenever I want...I ate laundry soap, my body wash, & my hand soap, (which didn't taste too good!) & now I'm craving dirt. Weird. Oh, & by "ate" I mean just a little taste. I didn't drink a gallon of laundry soap or anything. haha. So yeah. I need to start eating better. I swore off fast food, but there's nothing to eat here & I don't want to go grocery shopping cause I'm leaving in a few days! I've been addicted to crunchwraps & the pina colada fruitista freezes from taco bell. I've gotten them daily for about a week, & that's my meal for the day. I forget to eat I guess. Butttt let me give you a rundown of those nutrition facts...
For a crunchwrap, they contain like. 560 calories, & the fruitista freezes have 230 calories. So grand total, that's like 790 calories a day I'm getting. Not good. & pica is caused by vitamin deficiences, so until I start eating like a normal person again...It's not going to go away. Hopefully going back home & having 3 meals a day might help with that. & I'll have help with Molly so there's no excuse for me to forget to eat! Right now I'm eating mandarin chicken & white rice....leftovers from dinner last night. It has so much msg in it I think I'm going to be sick. & I feel super dehydrated. Maybe I'll just get the white rice next time. I have a new-found love for it. haha.
Welllllll. That's whats up with me I guess. I'm going to get a start on packing...still haven't gotten around to it.
--Oh, & I hope everyone has a good 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday!
Cake decorating!
--I don't know who the hell I'm going to make cakes for, but it's my dream job! If I could be good at anything, it would be that. I'll get the supplies next month when I get paid & see how it goes! --& no, not cake decorating like those old ladies at the bakery. I'm talking like ace of cakes or cake boss decorating with the fondant! Those look more fun to me!
So yeah. I'm basically sitting here trying to figure out how to make this crap, & trying to get in touch with my artistic side. I'm really excited to get started. I might just make one tonight for the hell of it. (Well, not tonight. I have to go get a dresser & start packing for New York cause I leave tomorrow!)
So. Maybe when I get home. haha. I'll see if my mommy is willing to relinquish some baking supplies to me...& then I'll bake a cake! --for Mj's birthday! YEAH!!!!!! She's coming out to visit me from July 28-aug 5. Her birthday is on August 1st! & I'm so excited! So, she'll be my first victim. haha. Hopefully it turns out good. I can't wait to get started! Until then, I'll be watching youtube DIY videos, looking at people's pictures, & reading wikihow for the next month. Hopefully I can get the hang of this!
So I guess it's time for an update, yes?
Okay.
Well, my online class is..uh. Not going too well. I suck at it! If I miss like 3 questions on a test, I fail basically. & it's open book so I should have no reason to miss 3 questions, but I do! EVERYTIME! My average right now is a 67%...It needs to be a 75% for me to go to the next class. I think I did good on my midterm. I should've gotten a 91% if I got all the answers that I knew right. So hopefully that boosts my grade a little!
Miss Molly is doing great. Since I last updated, I was putting her to bed in her swing. Well, I moved her to her crib about a week ago, & we're both getting lots of sleep! & by lots, I mean 7 hours a night! & she's on my schedule so we wake up around the same time & I'm not too tired to take care of her! Needless to say, we're both very happy. haha. She won't even fall asleep on me anymore. It has to be in her crib. Today she started smiling a lot! It's adorable. She couldn't care less if I talked to her in a baby voice, but now she loves it! I pinched her cheeks & said, "I love you to pieces!" In a high pitched voice, & she ate that shit up! She was cooing & smiling! It was so adorable. If I loved her anymore than I already do, I think I would explode!
Steve is doing good. He's been a lot happier lately. Yesteday he sprained his ankle at work, & they still made him work! a 12 hour day no less! fuckers. Ugh. I wish I could give them a piece of my mind. When he got home he was limping! It was THAT bad. He's not a pussy when it comes to pain like I am, so I know it must've hurt. It wasn't really a bad sprain cause his ankle wasn't too swollen, but it was still pretty swollen. & THEN he wouldn't even let me take care of him! I would try to get him something & he would say, "I'm not crippled!" & hop on 1 foot to get it himself. hahaha.
& as for me..
I still have pica from being pregnant! I went out & bought an ice crusher (well. slushie maker.) So I could have crushed ice whenever I want...I ate laundry soap, my body wash, & my hand soap, (which didn't taste too good!) & now I'm craving dirt. Weird. Oh, & by "ate" I mean just a little taste. I didn't drink a gallon of laundry soap or anything. haha. So yeah. I need to start eating better. I swore off fast food, but there's nothing to eat here & I don't want to go grocery shopping cause I'm leaving in a few days! I've been addicted to crunchwraps & the pina colada fruitista freezes from taco bell. I've gotten them daily for about a week, & that's my meal for the day. I forget to eat I guess. Butttt let me give you a rundown of those nutrition facts...
For a crunchwrap, they contain like. 560 calories, & the fruitista freezes have 230 calories. So grand total, that's like 790 calories a day I'm getting. Not good. & pica is caused by vitamin deficiences, so until I start eating like a normal person again...It's not going to go away. Hopefully going back home & having 3 meals a day might help with that. & I'll have help with Molly so there's no excuse for me to forget to eat! Right now I'm eating mandarin chicken & white rice....leftovers from dinner last night. It has so much msg in it I think I'm going to be sick. & I feel super dehydrated. Maybe I'll just get the white rice next time. I have a new-found love for it. haha.
Welllllll. That's whats up with me I guess. I'm going to get a start on packing...still haven't gotten around to it.
--Oh, & I hope everyone has a good 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday!
June 21, 2009
Hey everyone.
It's been awhile since I've updated. Nothing much going on here at all. Molly is going to be a month old in 1 minute.
My big girl.
I finally got Molly to sleep through the night for real this time! We've been following a bedtime routine for the past couple weeks, & I think she's starting to fall into it! Around 10 or 11 I give her a bath with bedtime bubbles & lotion, then I wrap her up real tight in her miracle blanket, (she loves that thing!) & give her 4oz of rice formula & put her in her swing...& she's out for 6 hours! YAY! She's getting so big. She can hold her head up pretty good. & she smiles once in awhile. Her favorite thing in the world is to nap on my chest. It's adorable. I'm so attached to her!
Anyway, other than miss Molly getting old, I've been doing pretty good. I started my online class on Monday...yyyyyeah, not doing too hott though. I got a 77 on my quiz, & a..66 on my first test.
I need to pass with a "C" so hopefully I can improve! I thought I would do so much better! & my pregnancy weight is almost gone. I'm down to 146 from 176. Pre-pregnancy I was 132, so I'm almost there! & I'm never going to call myself fat again from now on! Cause I know what fat is! haha.
Still haven't quite figured out the whole home visit thing...I think I might've over-reacted & just been like, "OMG IT'S CPS COMING FOR NO REASON!" --No, if it was CPS, they would have to have a good reason I'm sure. I think Melissa was right...the lady was probably just making sure I was doing everything right cause I'm young, & checking for postpartum depression. I'll ask her when she visits again. --Oh, & turns out she didn't come over un-announced. She called Steve's cell phone & he didn't tell me! So my house could've been uh..visitor friendly when she came over if I knew! I'm still embarassed about that!
Wellllll, I guess I should get going...even though I have nothing better to do. My homework is done, lecture doesn't get posted til 7am, Molly is passed out, Steve is passed out, house is clean.....What to do?!!!
I need a hobby.
--Okay, well. I'll update again later!
I hope everyone had a good Father's day!
It's been awhile since I've updated. Nothing much going on here at all. Molly is going to be a month old in 1 minute.
My big girl.I finally got Molly to sleep through the night for real this time! We've been following a bedtime routine for the past couple weeks, & I think she's starting to fall into it! Around 10 or 11 I give her a bath with bedtime bubbles & lotion, then I wrap her up real tight in her miracle blanket, (she loves that thing!) & give her 4oz of rice formula & put her in her swing...& she's out for 6 hours! YAY! She's getting so big. She can hold her head up pretty good. & she smiles once in awhile. Her favorite thing in the world is to nap on my chest. It's adorable. I'm so attached to her!
Anyway, other than miss Molly getting old, I've been doing pretty good. I started my online class on Monday...yyyyyeah, not doing too hott though. I got a 77 on my quiz, & a..66 on my first test.
I need to pass with a "C" so hopefully I can improve! I thought I would do so much better! & my pregnancy weight is almost gone. I'm down to 146 from 176. Pre-pregnancy I was 132, so I'm almost there! & I'm never going to call myself fat again from now on! Cause I know what fat is! haha.Still haven't quite figured out the whole home visit thing...I think I might've over-reacted & just been like, "OMG IT'S CPS COMING FOR NO REASON!" --No, if it was CPS, they would have to have a good reason I'm sure. I think Melissa was right...the lady was probably just making sure I was doing everything right cause I'm young, & checking for postpartum depression. I'll ask her when she visits again. --Oh, & turns out she didn't come over un-announced. She called Steve's cell phone & he didn't tell me! So my house could've been uh..visitor friendly when she came over if I knew! I'm still embarassed about that!
Wellllll, I guess I should get going...even though I have nothing better to do. My homework is done, lecture doesn't get posted til 7am, Molly is passed out, Steve is passed out, house is clean.....What to do?!!!
I need a hobby.
--Okay, well. I'll update again later!
I hope everyone had a good Father's day!
June 11, 2009
Current mood:
scared & it was bullshit. Complete bullshit. I guess I'll just tell the story.
Yesterday morning around 11, I was half awake; I just made Molly a bottle & I was feeding her when I heard a knock on my door. My house was disgusting, I was disgusting, Molly was disgusting, & I was sleeping on the couch...so I had blankets & pillows strewn across my living room. Along with a pile of dirty diapers that I didn't feel like throwing away in the middle of the night. I also had garbage lined up down my hallway ready to be taken out, a sink full of dirty dishes, dirty dinner plates on the table from dinner the night before, & dirty bottles across my living room floor.
Guess who I opened up the door to?
A fucking health inspector.
She asked if she could come in, & I said, "okay, don't mind the mess." & she kinda just looked disgusted. She sat down on my loveseat covered in cat hair, & started bombarding me with questions. First, she told me the hospital sent her to check on me? & then she told me I have to go to mandatory parenting classes that she signed me up for?
& then the interrogation begins.
"Do you do drugs?"
.."No."
"Smoke?"
"..No."
"How about drink alcohol?"
"..No?"
"Okay, then why are there two empty bottles up there on your cabinets?"
"My husband drinks on occasion."
"So you do drink alcohol?"
"I guess."
"Did you try breast feeding?"
"Yeah, but it didn't work out...I pumped, & saw lactation consultants, but she wouldn't latch & I wasn't making enough."
"So you basically failed?"
"I guess?"
"Does your husband beat you?"
"Absolutely not!"
"Why are you sleeping on the couch then?"
"Because it's easier to get to the kitchen?"
"Well, where does baby sleep? All I see is a couch & a swing.."
"With me when she fusses...But for the night she sleeps in the swing."
--Yeah. She wrote down everything I said, & treated every single one of my answers like I was too stupid to know what I was talking about.
& THEN, she gave me all of this crap about shaken baby syndrome & talked to me like I was going to go psycho any second or something!
Ugh there was so much more. She went through my kitchen, & made me prepare formula to see if I was doing it right, & just all of this bullshit! She asked me if I had any questions about Molly, & I asked her what to do when she's constipated & the health inspector told me to give her juice! JUICE! I know better than that! She's only 3 weeks old!
--Anyway, she brought over a scale & weighed Molly..turns out she's 8lbs, 10ozs! She was just 7lbs 15ozs on Friday! My big girl.
After that, she told me that since things "don't look so good" that she's checking back in 30 days?!
First of all, I would love to know what I did that was so wrong for the hospital to call social services on me...I know I'm not a bad mother. I love Molly more than anything in the whole world, & I give up everything just to take care of her. I go hours without eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom, etc etc etc just so she can be happy. I'm doing everything I possibly can for her, & in my opinion, that makes me a good mom. Not to mention that she's a really good baby, & I've been blessed with a set of mother instincts sharper than a safety pin. I know what pisses her off, I know what makes her happy...I always know exactly what she wants. Molly has never cried for more than 2 minutes when I'm with her. & I know what I'm doing 99.99% of the time. I've researched everything there is to know about babies. I have books upon books that I've read. I know when to call the doctor. I know when something isn't right....There is no reason I should be under investigation!
I guess their main concern is that I have no family here so they think I'm a ticking time bomb when it comes to postpartum depression & being overwhelmed. & I can't just go dump Molly on a family member while I cry or go psycho or whatever they think I'm going to do... & the fact that I'm only 18. Again in my opinion, there's a difference between being saddled with a baby & welcoming an addition to your family. I'm not a teenager in high school being saddled with a baby I don't want. I'm not overwhelmed. In fact, I've never been happier. Not only that, but I'm married, in college, financially stable, I have my own car, my own income, a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood...Why me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just can't believe this is happening to me. Seriously! There are complete idiots out there that have children....I'm not one of them! & the whole judging me because I'm 18 is bullshit! Some of the best moms I know are teenagers! ...(Then again, some of the worst moms I know are teenagers.
) --Seriously though. I don't come off as a stupid teenager who doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm completely grown up. I've grown out of the teenage selfishness...I have a good head on my shoulders...& I've been through a lot of crap since I've graduated. As far as I'm concerned, I'm an adult now.--Well. I needed to vent. I just hope for whatever reason they're investigating me for is a good one. I don't deserve this.
June 7, 2009
Current mood:
distractable Anyway, I just thought I'd give a quick update.
SO............
Everything has been good here lately. I've finally mastered the art of housekeeping..if that is an art..but yeah! It seems like I got my shit together as soon as Molly got here. Horray for getting old!
Molly has been good of course. She's doing pretty good at keeping her head up already, & she's only 2 weeks old! She still sleeps 5-6 hours through the night sometimes. I think her startle reflex has been waking her up like. hourly. I've gotten the 3 crappiest nights of sleep in my life the past 3 days, but it's okay. I ordered this thing online called the miracle blanket. It's basically like a straight jacket, but hey if it keeps her from flailing her arms & waking herself up, (& me!) Shit, I'll take it! So hopefully that helps us out a little bit.
Steve has been uh. Loser-ee-er lately. I know you love my made up word. haha. He wakes up with Molly when he can so I can catch up on my Zzzzzs, but other than that, it's hard to get the man out of the house! I went to a farmer's market yesterday, (which was amazing by the way; my meals have consisted of fruit all day!) & he didn't want to go...& today there was this summer stroll thing downtown that I was trying to convince him to go to, but he didn't want to go to that either! All he literally does is go on world of warcraft. Still. fucking gay. He even set me up my own computer for when my online classes start so his world of buttcraft time wouldn't be interrupted. Hell atleast I have my own desktop! Other than sitting around & doing absolutely nothing with his life, he's been great. He's great with Molly, & he's been really nice to me.
Anyway.
Remember in my last blog how I've been saying that I've been having awful nightmares? Well. They're not letting up! The other night I had a dream I was still in the hospital after having Molly..apparently I was still pregnant with another baby, but I didn't give birth yet for whatever reason. It was really weird. --Anyway, in my dream I was laying in my hospital bed, Molly was in her little cradle thing right next to my bed, & steve wasn't there...& I gave birth spontaneously on my hospital bed to a baby boy! I remember trying to move so I could pick him up, but I couldn't move! I ripped the emergency cord out of the wall, & no nurses came in...& then I pressed the nurse call button & started screaming "help! Help!" & they ignored me! I was just sitting there crying & screaming, & then the baby I just gave birth to rolled off of the bed onto the floor & hit his head! Ugh it was awful. Now I'm having scary dreams about children I don't even have!
Yeah, these scary dreams have motivated me to take a self defense class. I'm probably the most pathetic person ever. I don't think I could hurt someone if I wanted to! I'm definitely going to look into it though. Better safe than sorry.
welllllll, I think I'm going to wrap this up. It's almost 2am...Molly might sleep, or she might wake up. But I'm going to sleep until she does I suppose!
toodles!
May 29, 2009
*sigh*
I caved & watched twilight for the first time. I see why everyone is obsessed with it now! I was watching it with Molly. She was awake for most of it, but ended up falling asleep towards end.. (& didn't fuss once through that 2 hour movie
) She's so good. --Anyway, I was holding her, & there were parts where I would just hold on to her so tight cause I didn't know what was going to happen! UGH I ended up in tears at the end! It was a lot like tuck everlasting, only not as sad. But it was still pretty good. I'm not going to go buy the books or anything, but......yyyyyyyeah. I might just go see the second one when it comes out. I'm more of a die-hard harry potter freak in secret. 
(SHH!)
ahem.
Anyway.
Things here have been great lately! Molly is such a good girl. She's 1 week old today! Yay! I surprisingly am not sleep deprived...she only wakes up twice in the middle of the night to eat, & that's it. I'm a little bit sleepy from delivery still, but I'm trying to make up for that! It's nice to get some sleep & not feel like I just got ran over by a bus when I wake up like I did when I was pregnant. I actually feel well-rested & everything.
While I'm somewhat on the subject of sleep, I'm surprised postpartum depression hasn't kicked in...I'm still happy if not happier than I was last week, & I'm not overwhelmed or anxious or anything...The only thing is I keep having these sick twisted nightmares about bad things happening to Molly. It's absolutely awful! I don't know if that's just the over-protective mom feeling coming out in my dreams, or what the hell. But seriously, everytime I go to sleep, I have an awful nightmare. I'm not even going to go into detail they're so horrible...but yeah. I've been co-sleeping a little bit. It sucks because I swore I would never EVER co-sleep! It's not for Molly to go to sleep though, it's more for my peace of mind. She'll sleep wherever whenever. She has no sleeping problems. (yet) But it's all because of those nightmares I've been having! I just want to make sure she's safe!
--So. I checked my grades today, & I am not pleased one bit. My GPA went down to a 2.0 because of the freaking incomplete I had to take for biology for missing the final. Yeah. The final was on Molly's birthday. I had to miss it cause uh. I was in labor. But I'm going to appeal to it. It's not like I was on vacation or something! & my professor said he would work with me, but he gave me an incomplete anyway! I asked him 2 months in advance! It sucks! --As for my other grades, I ended up with a "c" in chemistry, (not good enough for Corning!) & an "a" in humanities. Woohoo! I would've had an "a" in biology too, but. I don't. ugh. I have to change the subject. haha.
Except I don't know what to talk about now! OH! Molly's hospital pictures are up on our365.com! If you search my name, cool, but if you search the hospital, the city is Roseville, her DOB is May 22 2009, & the hospital's name is Sutter Roseville. Just click on my name, (rebecca c.) & then you'll see Molly's pictures. They're absolutely adorable!
--Alright, well. I'm going to go feed the munchkin, & try to get some sleep! I hate busy days, & tomorrow is unfortunately a busy day. boo.
I'll update next week!
l8r!
I caved & watched twilight for the first time. I see why everyone is obsessed with it now! I was watching it with Molly. She was awake for most of it, but ended up falling asleep towards end.. (& didn't fuss once through that 2 hour movie
) She's so good. --Anyway, I was holding her, & there were parts where I would just hold on to her so tight cause I didn't know what was going to happen! UGH I ended up in tears at the end! It was a lot like tuck everlasting, only not as sad. But it was still pretty good. I'm not going to go buy the books or anything, but......yyyyyyyeah. I might just go see the second one when it comes out. I'm more of a die-hard harry potter freak in secret. (SHH!)ahem.
Anyway.
Things here have been great lately! Molly is such a good girl. She's 1 week old today! Yay! I surprisingly am not sleep deprived...she only wakes up twice in the middle of the night to eat, & that's it. I'm a little bit sleepy from delivery still, but I'm trying to make up for that! It's nice to get some sleep & not feel like I just got ran over by a bus when I wake up like I did when I was pregnant. I actually feel well-rested & everything.
While I'm somewhat on the subject of sleep, I'm surprised postpartum depression hasn't kicked in...I'm still happy if not happier than I was last week, & I'm not overwhelmed or anxious or anything...The only thing is I keep having these sick twisted nightmares about bad things happening to Molly. It's absolutely awful! I don't know if that's just the over-protective mom feeling coming out in my dreams, or what the hell. But seriously, everytime I go to sleep, I have an awful nightmare. I'm not even going to go into detail they're so horrible...but yeah. I've been co-sleeping a little bit. It sucks because I swore I would never EVER co-sleep! It's not for Molly to go to sleep though, it's more for my peace of mind. She'll sleep wherever whenever. She has no sleeping problems. (yet)
But it's all because of those nightmares I've been having! I just want to make sure she's safe!--So. I checked my grades today, & I am not pleased one bit. My GPA went down to a 2.0 because of the freaking incomplete I had to take for biology for missing the final. Yeah. The final was on Molly's birthday. I had to miss it cause uh. I was in labor. But I'm going to appeal to it. It's not like I was on vacation or something! & my professor said he would work with me, but he gave me an incomplete anyway!
I asked him 2 months in advance! It sucks! --As for my other grades, I ended up with a "c" in chemistry, (not good enough for Corning!) & an "a" in humanities. Woohoo! I would've had an "a" in biology too, but. I don't. ugh. I have to change the subject. haha.Except I don't know what to talk about now! OH! Molly's hospital pictures are up on our365.com! If you search my name, cool, but if you search the hospital, the city is Roseville, her DOB is May 22 2009, & the hospital's name is Sutter Roseville. Just click on my name, (rebecca c.) & then you'll see Molly's pictures. They're absolutely adorable!
--Alright, well. I'm going to go feed the munchkin, & try to get some sleep! I hate busy days, & tomorrow is unfortunately a busy day. boo.
I'll update next week!
l8r!
May 25, 2009
Molly is here!
We finally got home today. I had to stay an extra 24 hours in the hospital because I was GBS positive. --Anyway, I'll share the details since I have time!
Okay.
Thursday at 6am, I woke up & got everything ready & perfect for Molly. I stayed up all night the night before, so I was running on 2 hours of sleep...yeah, not good! Steve & I drove an hour to the hospital, & when we got there they told us to come back at 9am because they were full. There were only 8 beds, but 10 people. Crazy!
We came back at 9, & they said to go home & call at 11. I called at 11, & they said to call back at 1. I called back at 1, & they said to call back at 4. Finally, after playing phone tag for 5 hours, they said I'll just be induced the next day at 6am.
I was sleeping the whole time. & it's a good thing I was, because I got a call at 8pm from the hospital that said to come in right away & be there by 9! It definitely caught me off guard.
We get there at 9, I had my water broken, Chelsea arrived, & I got started on pitocin at like..10? We played uno, laughed a whole bunch...it was very enjoyable. Chels was great. She had to work at 8am, but she stayed with us all night!
--Anyway, my contractions started to get bad at about 4am. I was 7cm dilated, & I ended up getting an epidural. I'm so glad I did though. Screw going natural! It's like a..."Why walk when you can drive?" concept I guess. hahaha. I highly recommend the epidural. I was talking & laughing right after I got it. I did a complete 180! I felt no pain at all after that. When I got to 10cm, I still wasn't really feeling pain, just pressure. & that didn't even hurt. So I got the O.K. to start pushing! I was laughing & smiling & talking in between pushes. The only time it hurt was when I got close, & the nurse said, "Don't push! I have to check to see when the doctor is coming!" --Yeah, I screamed in pain. Once my doctor got there, all she did was torture me! haha. Molly was crowning, (which wasn't that bad!) & then one huge giant painful push later, (followed by an "AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!") Molly was born! My doctor put her on my chest & I just started crying! I don't remember much after that. I just kept wiping Molly off & saying, "you're okay! You're going to be okay!" for like 10 minutes. Steve cut the cord, & he got her on video! We sang happy birthday to her while they were stitching me up, (1st degree tear...it doesn't hurt that bad.) & then I was wheeled off to the post partum room to recover. I honestly don't remember much after that.
Molly is such a sweetheart though. Oh my goodness. She's the most well-behaved baby I've ever seen. She hardly ever cries. Loves to cuddle. I can't believe I made her!
Steve is the best dad in the whole world. I almost feel bad for writing all of that crap last week! He really did come around. He's absolutely in love with Molly. & he's been such a big help. Really. He came around while I was in labor pushing, (he counted for me!) & holy crap I cannot thank him enough. Now that I'm feeling better I'm trying to take over feeding Molly & changing her, but he never lets me! He just loves his little girl.
--Well. I do have night duty. We worked this out because he has to work in the morning, & I'm up at crazy hours anyway all the time. But other than that. Damn. I wish he was my dad! hahaha.
--So it's been a pretty eventful weekend. I could not be happier though.
I'm going to catch a few hours of sleep before I have to wake up Molly to feed her. She's such an angel.
Just thought I would update everyone!
Ciao!
We finally got home today. I had to stay an extra 24 hours in the hospital because I was GBS positive. --Anyway, I'll share the details since I have time!
Okay.
Thursday at 6am, I woke up & got everything ready & perfect for Molly. I stayed up all night the night before, so I was running on 2 hours of sleep...yeah, not good! Steve & I drove an hour to the hospital, & when we got there they told us to come back at 9am because they were full. There were only 8 beds, but 10 people. Crazy!
We came back at 9, & they said to go home & call at 11. I called at 11, & they said to call back at 1. I called back at 1, & they said to call back at 4. Finally, after playing phone tag for 5 hours, they said I'll just be induced the next day at 6am.
I was sleeping the whole time. & it's a good thing I was, because I got a call at 8pm from the hospital that said to come in right away & be there by 9! It definitely caught me off guard.
We get there at 9, I had my water broken, Chelsea arrived, & I got started on pitocin at like..10? We played uno, laughed a whole bunch...it was very enjoyable. Chels was great. She had to work at 8am, but she stayed with us all night!
--Anyway, my contractions started to get bad at about 4am. I was 7cm dilated, & I ended up getting an epidural. I'm so glad I did though. Screw going natural! It's like a..."Why walk when you can drive?" concept I guess. hahaha. I highly recommend the epidural. I was talking & laughing right after I got it. I did a complete 180! I felt no pain at all after that. When I got to 10cm, I still wasn't really feeling pain, just pressure. & that didn't even hurt. So I got the O.K. to start pushing! I was laughing & smiling & talking in between pushes. The only time it hurt was when I got close, & the nurse said, "Don't push! I have to check to see when the doctor is coming!" --Yeah, I screamed in pain. Once my doctor got there, all she did was torture me! haha. Molly was crowning, (which wasn't that bad!) & then one huge giant painful push later, (followed by an "AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!") Molly was born! My doctor put her on my chest & I just started crying! I don't remember much after that. I just kept wiping Molly off & saying, "you're okay! You're going to be okay!" for like 10 minutes. Steve cut the cord, & he got her on video! We sang happy birthday to her while they were stitching me up, (1st degree tear...it doesn't hurt that bad.) & then I was wheeled off to the post partum room to recover. I honestly don't remember much after that.
Molly is such a sweetheart though. Oh my goodness. She's the most well-behaved baby I've ever seen. She hardly ever cries. Loves to cuddle. I can't believe I made her!
Steve is the best dad in the whole world. I almost feel bad for writing all of that crap last week! He really did come around. He's absolutely in love with Molly. & he's been such a big help. Really. He came around while I was in labor pushing, (he counted for me!) & holy crap I cannot thank him enough. Now that I'm feeling better I'm trying to take over feeding Molly & changing her, but he never lets me! He just loves his little girl.
--Well. I do have night duty. We worked this out because he has to work in the morning, & I'm up at crazy hours anyway all the time. But other than that. Damn. I wish he was my dad! hahaha.
--So it's been a pretty eventful weekend. I could not be happier though.
I'm going to catch a few hours of sleep before I have to wake up Molly to feed her. She's such an angel.
Just thought I would update everyone!
Ciao!
May 18, 2009
Hey Guys!
I'm in a better mood today I guess. I can't believe all of the support I got due to my last blog! You're all so nice.
I wasn't expecting anything, it was just a vent. But I'll just clarify a few things so you don't think my marriage is going down the shitter!
Remeber about..oh..I don't know..like 30 blog entries ago when I would bitch about Steve being on world of warcraft all the time? Yeah, that game seriously sucks ass. Except a few months ago back in October/November when he was addicted to it, things were way worse between us! He was still in denial about Molly which completely broke my heart, he was always stressed from work thanks to Chris, & there were a few other things going on too. But this time it's not as bad. He just plays that game for 12 hours a day, (which he did yesterday!) & completely ignores me. Atleast now he's acknowledging the fact that he has a daughter, & he doesn't work with Chris. haha. I would have to say out of the 3 1/2 years we've been together, that was the hardest thing we've had to go through. So this time around, it's really not THAT bad. If I can just get him to stop playing that game, everything will be perfect. Other than that, we don't have any problems!
Thing two: Steve & I actually had a discussion yesterday about me moving back to New York, & I think that's what I'm going to do..for real! I'm going to talk to a counselor at Corning to see if my credits transfer, & if I can get into the Nursing program there for the Spring semester. Which means Molly & I will be moving back there this December! Steve will be deployed from January-June of 2010, so we'd be saving so much money from not paying rent. --Yeah, I'm moving back in with my Mom. haha. But at the same time, I'm glad Molly won't miss out on her family, & that no one will miss out on her. --Except Steve. But it'll be okay. We'll probably stay in California during the summer, & come back to New York for the fall/spring so I can finish school! & I hate to say it, but school is my #1 priority. If I don't finish, we won't have a future. So I have to get through it no matter what! & it's only for a couple years, not forever! --Anyway when Steve is out of the air force in June of 2011, I'll be done with school, & then we're off to Watertown so Steve can go to ITT tech & I'll support us with my nursing job! --So I guess it was a little harsh for me to say"I'm leaving!" in my last blog. I'm sure everyone took that the wrong way lol. I have my mom's temper. --Can you tell?
Thing three: I don't believe in divorce one bit! Sure I might get annoyed with Steve from time to time..it really helps to vent, but that doesn't mean I would ever consider divorcing him! I vowed to him for better or worse I would always be there, & I will! I love him, & no matter what I will work through the hard times & do whatever it takes to keep us together....& I know he would do the same for me.
OKAY! Now that that's all explained..
I'm due today!!!! It's 4:09 pm, & I've done absolutely nothing all day. & I haven't had a single contraction, no bloody show, no nothing! Molly is doing great though. She's been hanging out like she usually does...& she obviously hasn't found the eject button.
hehe. So tomorrow at my appointment, I'll probably ask to be induced. --I hope they can do that! At this point, I honestly don't care how she comes out. I just want her out! & just for the hell of it, remember how I used to refer to Molly as the "sesame seed" Or the "blueberry" before I knew she had a vagina? Well, now she's the size of a small pumpkin! She's huge! & you know what's scary? I'm officially in the 10th month of pregnancy! How the hell......
Anyway, I went swimming for the first time this summer yesterday! It was 106 degrees here! I felt 100 pounds lighter. It was awesome! I couldn't swim very good though. I could barely doggy paddle! It was really hard! Molly threw off my "keep yourself from drowning" senses, so I just hung out in the shallow end. & I'm a strong swimmer too! It was a big change not being able to keep myself afloat! But I had alot of fun. I went with Steve & his friends. It was nice to get out of the house for once! With school being over & April gone, I never have anything to do!
Well, I suppose I should wrap this up. As much as I would like to keep writing to keep myself busy, I can't think of anything else to say!
Thank you for all of the support. You're all so nice. & Hopefully my next blog will be a birth annoucement!
Ciao!
I'm in a better mood today I guess. I can't believe all of the support I got due to my last blog! You're all so nice.
I wasn't expecting anything, it was just a vent. But I'll just clarify a few things so you don't think my marriage is going down the shitter!Remeber about..oh..I don't know..like 30 blog entries ago when I would bitch about Steve being on world of warcraft all the time? Yeah, that game seriously sucks ass. Except a few months ago back in October/November when he was addicted to it, things were way worse between us! He was still in denial about Molly which completely broke my heart, he was always stressed from work thanks to Chris,
& there were a few other things going on too. But this time it's not as bad. He just plays that game for 12 hours a day, (which he did yesterday!) & completely ignores me. Atleast now he's acknowledging the fact that he has a daughter, & he doesn't work with Chris. haha. I would have to say out of the 3 1/2 years we've been together, that was the hardest thing we've had to go through. So this time around, it's really not THAT bad. If I can just get him to stop playing that game, everything will be perfect. Other than that, we don't have any problems!Thing two: Steve & I actually had a discussion yesterday about me moving back to New York, & I think that's what I'm going to do..for real! I'm going to talk to a counselor at Corning to see if my credits transfer, & if I can get into the Nursing program there for the Spring semester. Which means Molly & I will be moving back there this December! Steve will be deployed from January-June of 2010, so we'd be saving so much money from not paying rent. --Yeah, I'm moving back in with my Mom. haha. But at the same time, I'm glad Molly won't miss out on her family, & that no one will miss out on her. --Except Steve. But it'll be okay. We'll probably stay in California during the summer, & come back to New York for the fall/spring so I can finish school! & I hate to say it, but school is my #1 priority. If I don't finish, we won't have a future. So I have to get through it no matter what! & it's only for a couple years, not forever! --Anyway when Steve is out of the air force in June of 2011, I'll be done with school, & then we're off to Watertown so Steve can go to ITT tech & I'll support us with my nursing job! --So I guess it was a little harsh for me to say"I'm leaving!" in my last blog. I'm sure everyone took that the wrong way lol. I have my mom's temper. --Can you tell?
Thing three: I don't believe in divorce one bit! Sure I might get annoyed with Steve from time to time..it really helps to vent, but that doesn't mean I would ever consider divorcing him! I vowed to him for better or worse I would always be there, & I will! I love him, & no matter what I will work through the hard times & do whatever it takes to keep us together....& I know he would do the same for me.
OKAY! Now that that's all explained..
I'm due today!!!! It's 4:09 pm, & I've done absolutely nothing all day. & I haven't had a single contraction, no bloody show, no nothing! Molly is doing great though. She's been hanging out like she usually does...& she obviously hasn't found the eject button.
hehe. So tomorrow at my appointment, I'll probably ask to be induced. --I hope they can do that! At this point, I honestly don't care how she comes out. I just want her out! & just for the hell of it, remember how I used to refer to Molly as the "sesame seed" Or the "blueberry" before I knew she had a vagina? Well, now she's the size of a small pumpkin! She's huge! & you know what's scary? I'm officially in the 10th month of pregnancy! How the hell......Anyway, I went swimming for the first time this summer yesterday! It was 106 degrees here! I felt 100 pounds lighter. It was awesome! I couldn't swim very good though. I could barely doggy paddle! It was really hard! Molly threw off my "keep yourself from drowning" senses, so I just hung out in the shallow end. & I'm a strong swimmer too! It was a big change not being able to keep myself afloat! But I had alot of fun. I went with Steve & his friends. It was nice to get out of the house for once! With school being over & April gone, I never have anything to do!
Well, I suppose I should wrap this up. As much as I would like to keep writing to keep myself busy, I can't think of anything else to say!
Thank you for all of the support. You're all so nice.
& Hopefully my next blog will be a birth annoucement!Ciao!
May 16, 2009
Current mood:
crushed Remember how I said Steve was doing great last week? Really he was. I was so proud of him. Now I could not be more un-attracted to him! He's back to playing world of fuckinggayfuckcraft, everything I say goes in one ear & out the other, he never wants to be around me....yeah. needless to say he's been the cause of my miserable-ness this week. & I honestly do not know how to fix it. I cleaned the house to make him happy, but it didn't make him happy....I've tried everything. It's almost like he's so miserable that it's rubbing off on me.
& is it sad that I wish I was the computer sometimes? I wish I was his iphone too! He's always on 1 of those things. Oh & not to mention, he spent fucking $380 on computer parts this week. I could've killed him! Really! I was so jealous. I haven't gotten to buy myself something in a very VERY long time. & when I do treat myself to something, it's a $35 pedicure once a month...& THAT'S FUCKING IT. That's all I get! Everything I do goes to Molly. Everything he does goes to himself. He doesn't even care about us. He thinks just because he pays the bills, he doesn't have to listen to me or even be my friend I guess. He just avoids me all the time. Like even simple conversations! I'll say something like, "Hey Molly is awake!" & he just ignores me. & it's little stuff like that he does that just hurts me. It seems like he never wants to carry on a conversation with me...never wants to go on a walk with me...never wants to do ANYTHING with me ever! I wish he would just tell me that he didn't care instead of just leading me on like this. Nothing could hurt worse, I promise. --Ugh I've just been so heartbroken lately. It's getting hard to live here...I hate to say it. & you know what makes it even harder?!I've been busting my ass in school to try to get into nursing, & the WHOLE TIME I've been doing that, look what corning's nursing program requires!
Program Requirements
English (ENGL 1010 and 1020 or 1030. By placement)
6 Nursing (NURS 1100, 1500, 2000, 2100, 2500)
Mathematics elective (MATH 1015 recommended)
3-4 Nursing elective*
Social Sciences (PSYC 1101, SOCI 1010)
(non-nursing courses)
Laboratory Science (SCIN 1010-1020)
First Aid (HLTH 2007 or 1100)
What the hell!!!! I have over half of those classes finished already! & that's the actual nursing program. Yeah, I'm still doing pre-requisites to even apply for the nursing program here! UGH I can't fucking believe this! I think I know where I'm going after the fall semester....--Oh, & not to mention, the only pre-requisites they require are math 1215, (I have the equivalent; Math 111) & high school bio & chem! HIGH SCHOOL!
I feel like I just wasted so much time! & now I'm about to waste a whole semester. I think it's too late to transfer, or I would in a heartbeat. I'm seriously going to be kicking myself in the ass for this for a very long time. Steve & I already talked this over about me moving home early, but at this rate I think I'll be moving home even earlier.--Sorry this is a miserable blog. I just wish Molly would get here already. I doubt it'll make Steve change, but it's worth a shot, right?
ugh. We can only hope. I've never been so hurt in my life.--Oh, & not to mention, April is in North Carolina for a few weeks! I'm glad she's on vacation though. She really needed it! But I've been so bored lately. While Steve is worshipping the computer when he gets home, I usually head over to April's. & now that school is over, I honestly have nothing to do but sit around & wait. Ugh it's making me crazy!
--once again, sorry this blog sucks. I really really really wish I had something good to say, but I don't. I really just needed to vent.
l8r.
May 9, 2009
Well....I'm awake on my crazy sleep schedule lol. It's 2:30 am. Is it sad that the urge to clean woke me up? Ugh. I'm getting old.
--Anyway, today was a pain in my ass. I woke up at 8:30 which is beyond early for me...(I fucking hate getting up early. It ruins my day.) to take my chemistry lab exam. My teacher is such a nice guy! He let me take it early just incase I don't survive until Tuesday. He said the final was optional. But I'm sure it would really help my grade if I took it. It's more of an extra credit ordeal. --But that lab exam was extremely important. I couldn't miss that. I think I did pretty decent. So we talked for awhile after I finished & he said, "Have a good summer." & all I could think was, "It's over. It's FINALLY OVER!!!!!!! No more chemistry!" I finished a two hour lab exam in 1 hour. yay. My next class didn't start until 11, so I went back home for an hour because I forgot my purse, & I missed littles. How sad is that? hahaha. I love her.
Okay, so anyway.
11 o'clock rolls around, & I have another final to take early. This is my humanities final. Humanities is basically just my philosophy class. I had to give a presentation on something we learned about this semester, (I was so fucking nervous!) & then I had to take a final...which I finished in 5 minutes. It was multiple choice, & fucking easy. So I know I aced that class.
After I walked out of there, I felt a big sigh of relief again. All I could think again was, "I don't have to go back there! I'm DONE!!! I'm really done!"
Now it's 1 o'clock. Time for biology. I talked to my teacher to ask him if I could maybe take my final early, & he said no. He said I could take it late, & to keep him updated. blah. Okay fair enough. It would kill my grade to shreds if I missed it...but this final is on May 22. Hopefully I can make it.
Now it's 2 o'clock. I felt this strange pain in my back as I was on my way to biology lab. It felt like someone had me trapped in a vice! I finally get into lab, sit down, & then I felt that strange pain again! It didn't hit me that it might be contractions until it came back again....& again....& AGAIN. So I could definitely time them. They were consistant but really not painful at all. They were 10 minutes apart for an hour. I decided to go to the bathroom. As soon as I started walking, I was fine! So I went back to lab. We were dissecting frogs today, & it was awesome. haha.
Anyway, after my lab group got their diagrams made, & after I totally mutilated our frog, (I snapped it's spinal cord & decapitated it.
) I handed in my lab & walked out with my lab partner Alex. We were talking & I was telling her about my puny somewhat consistant contractions, when all of a sudden I feel something running down my leg!!!! I told her I think my water might be leaking, & that she might not see me for awhile. She started freaking out haha. She asked if I was okay, if I needed to call Steve, if he was going to come pick me up...I told her it was okay, I'll be fine. So I kinda left her hanging & went home...it was now like..3:45ish?
So I get home & call my doctor to see what I should do. I was kinda freaking out at this point cause I realized I only felt Molly move like once today. So I was more scared for her than me. --Anyway, I called my doctor's office & they said she wasn't on call! Well FUCK! So they gave me a new number to call...this just upset me even more. So I called the new number & this ignorant bitch answered. The conversation kinda went like...
"Hello, Dr. (I forgot her name!)'s Office?"
"Hi, I'm one of Dr. Fromlak's patients, & I understand this is her on-call doctor's office?"
"Um. This isn't Dr. Fromlaks' office..."
"Uh, yeah, I know. Where is her on call doctor?"
"This isn't Dr. Fromlak's office..."
"Well, let me speak to her ON CALL doctor. I was directed to call here..."
"Are you even pregnant?"
"Are you serious?! Where is the on call doctor?"
"Why don't you try calling Fromlak's office again."
"I just did, & they told me to call here so I could speak to the doctor that's ON CALL FOR HER."
"I'm not really sure what you want me to do..."
& then I just hung up & started crying. I could not get through to this bitch. So I tried calling Fromlak's office again. They re-directed me to the same office, & I got to talk to a much nicer smarter lady this time. haha. I told her my symptoms, (I think my water might've broken, I've been having steady contractions, Molly isn't moving..) & she told me to come right in.
So then Steve & I rushed around to pack a hospital bag, get the car seat in the car, make sure Littles had everything she would need for a couple days, & we were off. The whole way there I was just freaking out. I wanted Molly to be okay more than anything. Steve was complaining about his allergies the whole way there...He was a mess. lol. I couldn't find his glasses so his eyes were like bright red. But in the back of my head I was thinking, "Is he serious right now......" So he just sucked it up & took me to labor & delivery.
We finally got in, & he was like instantly amazing! He helped me out so much. He filled out my paper work, & scratched my back which I totally loved. haha. So I finally get into the ante-partum room, & this lady was in there moaning cause she was having contractions. I'll tell you more about her later.
So the nurse was super nice. She asked me a ton of questions, & finally put a contraction monitor around my belly, & a heartbeat monitor around my belly. & what do you know. Molly was a-okay. She took my blood pressure, & it kinda went down. lol. It was 148/74. eh. It's still pretty high.
After that, she checked me to see if I was dilating at all. Everyone always told me the vag exams were the worst, so I was pretty nervous....but it didn't hurt at all! --even though her whole arm was pretty much up there. hahaha. But I was only a fingertip dilated, & 100% effaced! So I guess that's a start.
After that, she checked the fluid..uh..down there to see if it was amniotic fluid with this giant orange q-tip. --It wasn't. So then she said she had to do a more in-depth exam to check for "pooling." That basically means my water broke, but it didn't gush out.
So she gave me a cup of ice water to drink, (I was beyond happy. Ice is what I live for now. lmao.) & said she'd be back in 15 minutes.
Well, when she came back, she had Steve step out & her & this other lady were going to check to see if pooling was the case. I looked over at the other lady I've never seen before, & she had a contraption in her hand that kinda looked like this....
Needless to say, after I saw that thing, I was flipping out. It looked scary. --I mean, I've had vag exams before, obviously, but not with that contraption! I immediately started shaking.
After the two nurses were done getting everything set up, I had to sit on this bed pan looking thing incase my water actually did break when they were done..okay not so bad...Once I got situated, the torture device was inserted. It wasn't so bad going in. They did what they had to do, & when they looked they said they couldn't tell if I was pooling, but that they think so.
Then the worst happens.
When they took the contraption out, it felt like they were taking my cervix out with it! oh. my. god. that hurt SO bad! I couldn't help but say, "OWWWWW!" & then I started laughing. Then they were laughing at me..or with me I guess. lol. They collected a bit a fluid & sent it down to the lab for testing. They wanted to keep me for awhile so they could monitor moll, & my puny contractions. The nurse left, & Steve came back in. & I'm absolutely traumatized at this point. I was sitting on the bed shaking cause that thing was just pure torture. That was NOT like a vag exam at all! It hurt so bad!
So Steve kept asking if he could get me anything, if I needed anything, & if I was re-considering an epidural. lol. I told him no, I was fine...& then I was just thinking, "he really is going to be a good dad." He was so nice the whole time.
Anyway, our little "what can I do?" conversation was interrupted by Molly. She started kicking the heart rate monitor around my stomach! Yay! She was moving! She continued to kick it, & you couldn't really hear her heart rate. haha. It just sounded like a loud groan. Steve said she was growling at us, & I started laughing really hard. Then the heart rate thing wasn't picking up her heart rate at all! I laughed it off. & then the machine started beeping. The nurse came in to check, & sure enough, the monitor was moved out of place.
The lady who was sharing a room with me was told that even though she was having contractions 2-5 minutes apart, that she had to go home. They were trying to give her medicine to stop her contractions, but she refused to take it? wtf. She was only like 33 weeks too. Then she started crying. Once the nurse left she kept saying that it was bullshit they were making her go home..it was almost like she wanted to have her baby early or something. Steve got a kick out of that lol. He was making faces behind our curtain & he kept mouthing the words "drama queen!" at me....which just made me laugh again. So while "drama queen" & her husband were crying, me & Steve were across the room just hysterical. It was pretty funny.
After I finished my ice water, I had to go #1 very bad! I couldn't even move. Steve went into super-dad mode & found a nurse & asked if I was allowed to pee. He came back & started unhooking me from the machine, & then he held my gown closed while I waddled to the bathroom. I was in there smiling the whole time. He was so helpful! So he hooked me back up after I was all done, & not 5 minutes later, the nurse came back & said the pooling test came back negative & we could leave! I was happy & sad. But I was definitely in good spirits. Steve was absolutely amazing.
Once I got home, I hit the sack. It was like...9 or 10 I think when we got back. But I slept until about 2, & here I am typing a blog. I'm about to clean my house now since my blood pressure is somewhat lower. I'm also going to try like hell to make Molly come out this week hahaha. --After I'm done cleaning of course.
Well I just wanted to update everyone. Next time I think I'm in labor, I'm not telling anybody haha. I had 1 too many text messages to respond to!
If anything comes up, I'll post another blog.
Go0o0o0o0od night!
--Anyway, today was a pain in my ass. I woke up at 8:30 which is beyond early for me...(I fucking hate getting up early. It ruins my day.) to take my chemistry lab exam. My teacher is such a nice guy! He let me take it early just incase I don't survive until Tuesday. He said the final was optional. But I'm sure it would really help my grade if I took it. It's more of an extra credit ordeal. --But that lab exam was extremely important. I couldn't miss that. I think I did pretty decent. So we talked for awhile after I finished & he said, "Have a good summer." & all I could think was, "It's over. It's FINALLY OVER!!!!!!! No more chemistry!" I finished a two hour lab exam in 1 hour. yay. My next class didn't start until 11, so I went back home for an hour because I forgot my purse, & I missed littles. How sad is that? hahaha. I love her.
Okay, so anyway.
11 o'clock rolls around, & I have another final to take early. This is my humanities final. Humanities is basically just my philosophy class. I had to give a presentation on something we learned about this semester, (I was so fucking nervous!) & then I had to take a final...which I finished in 5 minutes. It was multiple choice, & fucking easy. So I know I aced that class.
After I walked out of there, I felt a big sigh of relief again. All I could think again was, "I don't have to go back there! I'm DONE!!! I'm really done!"
Now it's 1 o'clock. Time for biology. I talked to my teacher to ask him if I could maybe take my final early, & he said no. He said I could take it late, & to keep him updated. blah. Okay fair enough. It would kill my grade to shreds if I missed it...but this final is on May 22. Hopefully I can make it.
Now it's 2 o'clock. I felt this strange pain in my back as I was on my way to biology lab. It felt like someone had me trapped in a vice! I finally get into lab, sit down, & then I felt that strange pain again! It didn't hit me that it might be contractions until it came back again....& again....& AGAIN. So I could definitely time them. They were consistant but really not painful at all. They were 10 minutes apart for an hour. I decided to go to the bathroom. As soon as I started walking, I was fine! So I went back to lab. We were dissecting frogs today, & it was awesome. haha.
Anyway, after my lab group got their diagrams made, & after I totally mutilated our frog, (I snapped it's spinal cord & decapitated it.
) I handed in my lab & walked out with my lab partner Alex. We were talking & I was telling her about my puny somewhat consistant contractions, when all of a sudden I feel something running down my leg!!!! I told her I think my water might be leaking, & that she might not see me for awhile. She started freaking out haha. She asked if I was okay, if I needed to call Steve, if he was going to come pick me up...I told her it was okay, I'll be fine. So I kinda left her hanging & went home...it was now like..3:45ish?So I get home & call my doctor to see what I should do. I was kinda freaking out at this point cause I realized I only felt Molly move like once today. So I was more scared for her than me. --Anyway, I called my doctor's office & they said she wasn't on call! Well FUCK! So they gave me a new number to call...this just upset me even more. So I called the new number & this ignorant bitch answered. The conversation kinda went like...
"Hello, Dr. (I forgot her name!)'s Office?"
"Hi, I'm one of Dr. Fromlak's patients, & I understand this is her on-call doctor's office?"
"Um. This isn't Dr. Fromlaks' office..."
"Uh, yeah, I know. Where is her on call doctor?"
"This isn't Dr. Fromlak's office..."
"Well, let me speak to her ON CALL doctor. I was directed to call here..."
"Are you even pregnant?"
"Are you serious?! Where is the on call doctor?"
"Why don't you try calling Fromlak's office again."
"I just did, & they told me to call here so I could speak to the doctor that's ON CALL FOR HER."
"I'm not really sure what you want me to do..."
& then I just hung up & started crying. I could not get through to this bitch. So I tried calling Fromlak's office again. They re-directed me to the same office, & I got to talk to a much nicer smarter lady this time. haha. I told her my symptoms, (I think my water might've broken, I've been having steady contractions, Molly isn't moving..) & she told me to come right in.
So then Steve & I rushed around to pack a hospital bag, get the car seat in the car, make sure Littles had everything she would need for a couple days, & we were off. The whole way there I was just freaking out. I wanted Molly to be okay more than anything. Steve was complaining about his allergies the whole way there...He was a mess. lol. I couldn't find his glasses so his eyes were like bright red. But in the back of my head I was thinking, "Is he serious right now......" So he just sucked it up & took me to labor & delivery.
We finally got in, & he was like instantly amazing! He helped me out so much. He filled out my paper work, & scratched my back which I totally loved. haha. So I finally get into the ante-partum room, & this lady was in there moaning cause she was having contractions. I'll tell you more about her later.
So the nurse was super nice. She asked me a ton of questions, & finally put a contraction monitor around my belly, & a heartbeat monitor around my belly. & what do you know. Molly was a-okay. She took my blood pressure, & it kinda went down. lol. It was 148/74. eh. It's still pretty high.
After that, she checked me to see if I was dilating at all. Everyone always told me the vag exams were the worst, so I was pretty nervous....but it didn't hurt at all! --even though her whole arm was pretty much up there. hahaha. But I was only a fingertip dilated, & 100% effaced! So I guess that's a start.
After that, she checked the fluid..uh..down there to see if it was amniotic fluid with this giant orange q-tip. --It wasn't. So then she said she had to do a more in-depth exam to check for "pooling." That basically means my water broke, but it didn't gush out.
So she gave me a cup of ice water to drink, (I was beyond happy. Ice is what I live for now. lmao.) & said she'd be back in 15 minutes.
Well, when she came back, she had Steve step out & her & this other lady were going to check to see if pooling was the case. I looked over at the other lady I've never seen before, & she had a contraption in her hand that kinda looked like this....
Needless to say, after I saw that thing, I was flipping out. It looked scary. --I mean, I've had vag exams before, obviously, but not with that contraption! I immediately started shaking.
After the two nurses were done getting everything set up, I had to sit on this bed pan looking thing incase my water actually did break when they were done..okay not so bad...Once I got situated, the torture device was inserted. It wasn't so bad going in. They did what they had to do, & when they looked they said they couldn't tell if I was pooling, but that they think so.
Then the worst happens.
When they took the contraption out, it felt like they were taking my cervix out with it! oh. my. god. that hurt SO bad! I couldn't help but say, "OWWWWW!" & then I started laughing. Then they were laughing at me..or with me I guess. lol. They collected a bit a fluid & sent it down to the lab for testing. They wanted to keep me for awhile so they could monitor moll, & my puny contractions. The nurse left, & Steve came back in. & I'm absolutely traumatized at this point. I was sitting on the bed shaking cause that thing was just pure torture. That was NOT like a vag exam at all! It hurt so bad!
So Steve kept asking if he could get me anything, if I needed anything, & if I was re-considering an epidural. lol. I told him no, I was fine...& then I was just thinking, "he really is going to be a good dad." He was so nice the whole time.
Anyway, our little "what can I do?" conversation was interrupted by Molly. She started kicking the heart rate monitor around my stomach! Yay! She was moving! She continued to kick it, & you couldn't really hear her heart rate. haha. It just sounded like a loud groan. Steve said she was growling at us, & I started laughing really hard. Then the heart rate thing wasn't picking up her heart rate at all! I laughed it off. & then the machine started beeping. The nurse came in to check, & sure enough, the monitor was moved out of place.
The lady who was sharing a room with me was told that even though she was having contractions 2-5 minutes apart, that she had to go home. They were trying to give her medicine to stop her contractions, but she refused to take it? wtf. She was only like 33 weeks too. Then she started crying. Once the nurse left she kept saying that it was bullshit they were making her go home..it was almost like she wanted to have her baby early or something. Steve got a kick out of that lol. He was making faces behind our curtain & he kept mouthing the words "drama queen!" at me....which just made me laugh again. So while "drama queen" & her husband were crying, me & Steve were across the room just hysterical. It was pretty funny.
After I finished my ice water, I had to go #1 very bad! I couldn't even move. Steve went into super-dad mode & found a nurse & asked if I was allowed to pee. He came back & started unhooking me from the machine, & then he held my gown closed while I waddled to the bathroom. I was in there smiling the whole time. He was so helpful! So he hooked me back up after I was all done, & not 5 minutes later, the nurse came back & said the pooling test came back negative & we could leave! I was happy & sad. But I was definitely in good spirits. Steve was absolutely amazing.
Once I got home, I hit the sack. It was like...9 or 10 I think when we got back. But I slept until about 2, & here I am typing a blog. I'm about to clean my house now since my blood pressure is somewhat lower.
I'm also going to try like hell to make Molly come out this week hahaha. --After I'm done cleaning of course.Well I just wanted to update everyone. Next time I think I'm in labor, I'm not telling anybody haha. I had 1 too many text messages to respond to!
If anything comes up, I'll post another blog.
Go0o0o0o0od night!
May 5, 2009
--Well, it hasn't exactly been a week, but I have stuff to talk about! haha. I guess I've been pretty good these past few days. Steve almost gave me a heart attack this weekend...literally.
--Okay not really. But anyway, I went to the doctor's today for my weekly appointment, pissed in a cup, heard Molly's heartbeat....& got some shitty news. I have hypertension. --otherwise known as pre-eclampsia. Or Pre-E for short. My blood pressure was 140/90. The protein count in my piss was 980....so why am I not giving birth right now?! Yeah, that's what I would like to know! Nope...instead of being induced, I'm on bedrest...BEDREST! Am I following those orders? I sure as hell am not! --Well I kinda have no choice. I absolutely have to finish this week of school. I talked to my professors & I'm taking all of my finals this week rather than in 2 weeks. They were extremely flexible. So needless to say, I have to do a buttload of walking on campus! It's huge! & lately I've been getting tired out so easily...it doesn't take much to make me tired at all. Yeah this newfound uh..."Laziness" has been going on for about 4 days now. & I guess I know why. Steve isn't thrilled at the thought of me nesting while on bedrest. Lucky him, he gets to be my bitch! lol. I doubt he'll do anything though. His job is garbage, & kitty litter. It has been since I've gotten pregnant, so I don't think he'll do anything new besides that. I'm pretty sure I'll get stuck maintaining/getting the house in order still. & my deadline is Tuesday. I'm almost 95% sure I'll go straight for an induction next week....a whole week early. As long as school is over, I really don't care! Plus, that would make Molly a taurus. Phew!
& I'm so glad I have amazing friends here too..April offered to come help me do some last minute shit on Saturday. So we'll probably order pizza & get this apartment cleaned up to my nesting standards before Tuesday. & then she's leaving for North Carolina for a couple weeks! What the hell am I going to do! lol. This bums me out! I can't go a day without talking to her! or Chels!
Anyway, as an update from my last blog..(which got 40 views in one day, you stalkers.)
When I was writing it, I was really worried about Steve! I think I was writing it around 2 am, correct? Okay well here's what happened after that.
April & Amanda got home around 3:45 am, & I already had my purse & keys in my hand when they pulled in. I was a nervous wreck so I was patiently waiting for them to get here. As soon as I heard the car doors open, I practically ran to my car. Amanda asked me if everything was okay & I said, "No, I got to go!" & she was probably thinking..damn, what a bitch. lol. But I really didn't have time to explain. Those symptoms of alcohol poisoning were racking my hypochondriac nerves! So I drove home like a maniac. I ran 2 red lights, I Was going a good 20 miles over the speed limit, & I parked in the handicapped spot at our apartment because there was no where else to park. So I run inside, & find Steve right where I thought he would be...on the floor, covered in puke, passed out. I made sure he was taking more than 8 breaths a minute, (he was!) & then I attempted to wake him up..which he did. & then he went back to sleep. So I went out in the living room & just cried & screamed & got out all of my pent up frustration...& then I became super pissed off. How could he do that to me?!!!!! I mean I know he's the big 21, but how could he get that drunk?!!!!!!!!!!! It also kinda broke my heart to see him like that. Ever since I've known him, he's been the most innocent person. It was sad.
--Anyway, back to the story. The wrath of Becca was about to smite Steve to shreds in a matter of minutes. & that's exactly what I did. I took a cup of water, poured it on him, threw the cup at him, & told him to clean up his puke. & I was kinda taking my mom's approach to the whole thing lol. I swear I'm becoming the spitting image of her. I can't believe I have her temper. --Anyway, he picked up his head & looked at me, & so I got another cup of water & threw it in his face, & said, "clean up this shit NOW!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs & he got up & cleaned the kitty litter.....& then attempted to lay down in bed. So when I came back to check, the bathroom was still covered in vomit. So I smacked his stomach & said, "Get up now, clean up the bathroom, & don't leave until it's spotless." He kinda just sat there for a good 2 minutes while my patience was running super thin. So I said, "GET MOVING!" & he still sat there, & then the unforgiving part of my anger came out & said, "You know what? fuck you. I can't believe you're fucking doing this to me. Get a life." & then slammed the bedroom door & went out in the living room. In a matter of seconds, I heard him spraying clorox & cleaning. 10 minutes later, I heard him get back in bed, so I checked the bathroom one more time...& it was spotless.
Steve was also crying.
Now I felt like a huge jerk. But once I rationalized it, I figured I did the right thing. If he pukes everywhere, well, he's going to clean it up! I get up to piss about 5 times a night, & there was no way I was about to sit on a toilet covered in vomit. So then I didn't feel so bad. I laid down next to him & asked him what was wrong, & he said, "please don't be mad at me anymore! I'm sorry! I don't want to make you mad!" ...& he was still clearly very. VERY drunk. So I told him I wasn't mad at him anymore. & then he said, "Are you going to divorce me?" & I told him I don't believe in divorce. & then he told me he loved me & Molly. & stopped crying. He asked me if he could give Molly a kiss, so he did. I started giggling & said, "You kissed her butt!" & then he started crying again! So he started talking to her & he said, "I'm sorry I kissed your butt Molly! Here I'll kiss your head! Don't be mad at me!" & I couldn't stop laughing. But at the same time I was like, "aw!" So then once Steve calmed down, he told me about his crazy night...he repeated himself at least 3 times, & his whole story took about 2 hours, but I tried very hard to stay awake & listen! Here's what happened...
So Steve & his friends...(I'm not sure who all went exactly, but I know they live here in my new apartment complex somewhere.) They left for the bar around 10. Steve told me once he sat down 3 people bought him birthday shots & he drank 3 shots of jager as soon as he sat down. From what I counted, he took 17 shots total...But that was all he remembered. He said he had a blue drink called, "Adios motherfucker" & in his own slurred words he said, "I had a blue drink called Adios something with a cherry in it, & then I said 'Adios'. Then I don't remember anything after that." lmfao. So yeah, 17 shots in 1 hour?! He was pretty damn close to alcohol poisoning. I remember reading a story about a guy who took 22 shots on 1 hour on his 21st birthday, & he died. So of course I was so glad that wasn't him. Anyway, he told me that the band there played happy birthday for him, & that an old lady tried to dance with him. haha. He also told me that there were 2 blonde girls buying him shots & again in his own words he said, "I think they liked me, but I didn't like them. I told them you were pretty & that I love Molly." lol. He told me from what he remembered, everyone that talked to him he said, "I love my wife. & I love Molly. --Jager bombs! High five!" & he would go around giving everyone high fives hahaha. --which he kept doing to me during our conversation. It was so funny. So between the interruptions of, "can I have another jager bomb?" & "can you get me some chicken?" in our conversation, he told me the rest of the story.
Anyway, I guess once Steve got home, he puked EVERYWHERE obviously. We keep Littles' litter in our bathroom, so it was like a nice vomit & kitty litter mixture he was laying in. His friends told us later he was trying to drink the toilet water, & that he was playing in his vomit. Gross! So he passed out around 11:30 when they called me, & they left him there. Ugh.
Steve said he didn't remember leaving the bar & coming home so I don't really know what happened between then.
But I'm so glad he was okay. & is it sad that I like him better drunk? lol. He seems so much happier. & of course he was oogling over me which I didn't mind. He used to be like that all the time before he joined the air force. He used to kiss my hand & tell me I'm beautiful like everyday, & he was totally smothering me like that again! & I missed it! So by the time morning rolls around, I was completely lovestruck like a giddy little school girl. I woke up about 4 hours after I fell asleep...okay so I Woke up at 9 & fell asleep at 5am. --Anyway, I woke up & I gave Steve a kiss, & he turned away like he usually does when I do that in the middle of his sleep. & I couldn't help but think, "Damn. He's back to normal." lol. So he sat down at the computer, & I remembered how he couldn't leave Molly alone about 4 hours ago, & I'm sure I've written in previous blogs saying that he never goes near her...so I thought I would test him again. I said, "Molly is hiccuping! Do you want to feel her?" & then he said, "No, I'm doing something." & then I gave up. lol. Anyway, he is the sweetest drunk person ever. & I'm so glad he was okay.
--Wow. I think this took me like 45 minutes to write lol. I hope you stalkers got the missing piece to your puzzle.
--Just kidding. I secretly like that my blog has a lot of views. 
hehe.
Okay, well, it's 12:38 am, & I have a 3 page paper to get done before Friday...I suppose I should do that now while I'm wide awake.
Adios motherfuckers!
--Okay not really. But anyway, I went to the doctor's today for my weekly appointment, pissed in a cup, heard Molly's heartbeat....& got some shitty news. I have hypertension.
--otherwise known as pre-eclampsia. Or Pre-E for short. My blood pressure was 140/90. The protein count in my piss was 980....so why am I not giving birth right now?! Yeah, that's what I would like to know! Nope...instead of being induced, I'm on bedrest...BEDREST! Am I following those orders? I sure as hell am not! --Well I kinda have no choice. I absolutely have to finish this week of school. I talked to my professors & I'm taking all of my finals this week rather than in 2 weeks. They were extremely flexible. So needless to say, I have to do a buttload of walking on campus! It's huge! & lately I've been getting tired out so easily...it doesn't take much to make me tired at all. Yeah this newfound uh..."Laziness" has been going on for about 4 days now. & I guess I know why. Steve isn't thrilled at the thought of me nesting while on bedrest. Lucky him, he gets to be my bitch! lol. I doubt he'll do anything though. His job is garbage, & kitty litter. It has been since I've gotten pregnant, so I don't think he'll do anything new besides that. I'm pretty sure I'll get stuck maintaining/getting the house in order still. & my deadline is Tuesday. I'm almost 95% sure I'll go straight for an induction next week....a whole week early. As long as school is over, I really don't care! Plus, that would make Molly a taurus. Phew!& I'm so glad I have amazing friends here too..April offered to come help me do some last minute shit on Saturday. So we'll probably order pizza & get this apartment cleaned up to my nesting standards before Tuesday. & then she's leaving for North Carolina for a couple weeks! What the hell am I going to do! lol. This bums me out! I can't go a day without talking to her! or Chels!
Anyway, as an update from my last blog..(which got 40 views in one day, you stalkers.
)When I was writing it, I was really worried about Steve! I think I was writing it around 2 am, correct? Okay well here's what happened after that.
April & Amanda got home around 3:45 am, & I already had my purse & keys in my hand when they pulled in. I was a nervous wreck so I was patiently waiting for them to get here. As soon as I heard the car doors open, I practically ran to my car. Amanda asked me if everything was okay & I said, "No, I got to go!" & she was probably thinking..damn, what a bitch. lol. But I really didn't have time to explain. Those symptoms of alcohol poisoning were racking my hypochondriac nerves! So I drove home like a maniac. I ran 2 red lights, I Was going a good 20 miles over the speed limit, & I parked in the handicapped spot at our apartment because there was no where else to park. So I run inside, & find Steve right where I thought he would be...on the floor, covered in puke, passed out.
I made sure he was taking more than 8 breaths a minute, (he was!) & then I attempted to wake him up..which he did. & then he went back to sleep. So I went out in the living room & just cried & screamed & got out all of my pent up frustration...& then I became super pissed off. How could he do that to me?!!!!! I mean I know he's the big 21, but how could he get that drunk?!!!!!!!!!!! It also kinda broke my heart to see him like that. Ever since I've known him, he's been the most innocent person. It was sad. --Anyway, back to the story. The wrath of Becca was about to smite Steve to shreds in a matter of minutes. & that's exactly what I did. I took a cup of water, poured it on him, threw the cup at him, & told him to clean up his puke. & I was kinda taking my mom's approach to the whole thing lol. I swear I'm becoming the spitting image of her. I can't believe I have her temper. --Anyway, he picked up his head & looked at me, & so I got another cup of water & threw it in his face, & said, "clean up this shit NOW!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs & he got up & cleaned the kitty litter.....& then attempted to lay down in bed. So when I came back to check, the bathroom was still covered in vomit. So I smacked his stomach & said, "Get up now, clean up the bathroom, & don't leave until it's spotless." He kinda just sat there for a good 2 minutes while my patience was running super thin. So I said, "GET MOVING!" & he still sat there, & then the unforgiving part of my anger came out & said, "You know what? fuck you. I can't believe you're fucking doing this to me. Get a life." & then slammed the bedroom door & went out in the living room. In a matter of seconds, I heard him spraying clorox & cleaning. 10 minutes later, I heard him get back in bed, so I checked the bathroom one more time...& it was spotless.
Steve was also crying.
Now I felt like a huge jerk. But once I rationalized it, I figured I did the right thing. If he pukes everywhere, well, he's going to clean it up! I get up to piss about 5 times a night, & there was no way I was about to sit on a toilet covered in vomit. So then I didn't feel so bad. I laid down next to him & asked him what was wrong, & he said, "please don't be mad at me anymore! I'm sorry! I don't want to make you mad!" ...& he was still clearly very. VERY drunk. So I told him I wasn't mad at him anymore. & then he said, "Are you going to divorce me?" & I told him I don't believe in divorce. & then he told me he loved me & Molly. & stopped crying. He asked me if he could give Molly a kiss, so he did. I started giggling & said, "You kissed her butt!" & then he started crying again! So he started talking to her & he said, "I'm sorry I kissed your butt Molly! Here I'll kiss your head! Don't be mad at me!" & I couldn't stop laughing. But at the same time I was like, "aw!" So then once Steve calmed down, he told me about his crazy night...he repeated himself at least 3 times, & his whole story took about 2 hours, but I tried very hard to stay awake & listen! Here's what happened...
So Steve & his friends...(I'm not sure who all went exactly, but I know they live here in my new apartment complex somewhere.) They left for the bar around 10. Steve told me once he sat down 3 people bought him birthday shots & he drank 3 shots of jager as soon as he sat down. From what I counted, he took 17 shots total...But that was all he remembered. He said he had a blue drink called, "Adios motherfucker" & in his own slurred words he said, "I had a blue drink called Adios something with a cherry in it, & then I said 'Adios'. Then I don't remember anything after that." lmfao. So yeah, 17 shots in 1 hour?! He was pretty damn close to alcohol poisoning. I remember reading a story about a guy who took 22 shots on 1 hour on his 21st birthday, & he died. So of course I was so glad that wasn't him. Anyway, he told me that the band there played happy birthday for him, & that an old lady tried to dance with him. haha. He also told me that there were 2 blonde girls buying him shots & again in his own words he said, "I think they liked me, but I didn't like them. I told them you were pretty & that I love Molly." lol. He told me from what he remembered, everyone that talked to him he said, "I love my wife. & I love Molly. --Jager bombs! High five!" & he would go around giving everyone high fives hahaha. --which he kept doing to me during our conversation. It was so funny. So between the interruptions of, "can I have another jager bomb?" & "can you get me some chicken?" in our conversation, he told me the rest of the story.
Anyway, I guess once Steve got home, he puked EVERYWHERE obviously. We keep Littles' litter in our bathroom, so it was like a nice vomit & kitty litter mixture he was laying in. His friends told us later he was trying to drink the toilet water, & that he was playing in his vomit. Gross! So he passed out around 11:30 when they called me, & they left him there. Ugh.
Steve said he didn't remember leaving the bar & coming home so I don't really know what happened between then.
But I'm so glad he was okay. & is it sad that I like him better drunk? lol. He seems so much happier. & of course he was oogling over me which I didn't mind.
He used to be like that all the time before he joined the air force. He used to kiss my hand & tell me I'm beautiful like everyday, & he was totally smothering me like that again! & I missed it! So by the time morning rolls around, I was completely lovestruck like a giddy little school girl. I woke up about 4 hours after I fell asleep...okay so I Woke up at 9 & fell asleep at 5am. --Anyway, I woke up & I gave Steve a kiss, & he turned away like he usually does when I do that in the middle of his sleep. & I couldn't help but think, "Damn. He's back to normal." lol. So he sat down at the computer, & I remembered how he couldn't leave Molly alone about 4 hours ago, & I'm sure I've written in previous blogs saying that he never goes near her...so I thought I would test him again. I said, "Molly is hiccuping! Do you want to feel her?" & then he said, "No, I'm doing something." & then I gave up. lol. Anyway, he is the sweetest drunk person ever. & I'm so glad he was okay.--Wow. I think this took me like 45 minutes to write lol. I hope you stalkers got the missing piece to your puzzle.
--Just kidding. I secretly like that my blog has a lot of views. hehe.Okay, well, it's 12:38 am, & I have a 3 page paper to get done before Friday...I suppose I should do that now while I'm wide awake.
Adios motherfuckers!
May 3, 2009
I'm so ready to be done being pregnant!!! UGH it's killing me now. I have 15 days left until my due date...22 days left until my induction date incase Moll doesn't decide to come on her due date...gah...make it go by faster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway,
hmmm....what has happened lately.
Eh. Same old same old. I finished Molly's nursery finally...well, with the help of April, Chels, & Amanda. I love my friends.
--Anyway, it looks totally amazing. I hope Molly is old enough to notice it before we move haha.
So that's what I did over the weekend.
During the week....yeah, it was pretty un-eventful. I went to class....& failed a chemistry test....&...yeah. That's about it.
OH! Except for Wednesday. It was Steve's 21st birthday! Yay! I took him to outback steakhouse....but since all of his friends were deployed, I just invited mine. lol. We had a good time though. I made sure the waiter ID'd him when he ordered his first drink too! But Steve wasn't that into it...It seemed like he didn't appreciate what I did even though I was planning it for weeks. & he complained about the presents I got him! I was so sad. I got him 2 t-shirts, Littles got him a can of spaghettios, & Molly got him the movie "Role models." & he complained about all of them. Oh well...
So right now, it's almost 2 am, & everyone I know is out getting drunk except me. Yes, including Steve. I'm babysitting for April & Amanda while they're out at the club with everyone else getting drunk..(well Amanda isn't) & I just have the itch to go home right now! I'm so worried about Steve. I got a phone call from his friends around 11:30 saying he's passed out on my bathroom floor in his own puke...yeah, nice of them to clean him up. GREAT. So I'm pretty sure they left him there by himself...who the hell knows just how drunk he is. I hope he's okay. I just wish there was something I could do, but I can't! I can't leave 3 kids here...that would be bad. lol. & I can't pack them up either cause they're all sleeping. So needless to say, I've been constantly sending texts like, "When are you coming home? You guys on your way? Where are you? Are you coming home?" Like every half hour....without a response. I knew I should've told him not to go out! I'm just like thinking the worse & praying to GOD he doesn't have alcohol poisoning or something crazy like that. I would be too late.
But yeah...blogging is basically helping me keep my sanity right now. I wish I had more to write about, but unfortunately, I don't. I suppose I could go to sleep.....
But seriously! You would think the club would get boring after 6 hours! Where are they????!!!!!!
--Yeah, tomorrow is going to suck asshole for me. This lady from my chemistry class has been asking me to tutor her for some stupid reason. It's seriously like the blind teaching the blind..but oh my GOD she is blind! I always think in the back of my head, "Does she EVER pay attention in class?" So yeah. We've been meeting at starbucks for like 3 hours every weekend. & I want to pull my hair out every goddamn time. Unfortunately, I have to go tutor her tomorrow on top of taking care of Steve, on top of going to work really early in the morning, & ON TOP of staying up super late because I can't stop worrying.
Well.........The kids are crying. I should probably go see what's up. I'll try to post next week. Sorry this was all complaining basically.
L8r.
Anyway,
hmmm....what has happened lately.
Eh. Same old same old. I finished Molly's nursery finally...well, with the help of April, Chels, & Amanda. I love my friends.
--Anyway, it looks totally amazing. I hope Molly is old enough to notice it before we move haha. So that's what I did over the weekend.
During the week....yeah, it was pretty un-eventful. I went to class....& failed a chemistry test....&...yeah. That's about it.
OH! Except for Wednesday. It was Steve's 21st birthday! Yay! I took him to outback steakhouse....but since all of his friends were deployed, I just invited mine. lol. We had a good time though. I made sure the waiter ID'd him when he ordered his first drink too! But Steve wasn't that into it...It seemed like he didn't appreciate what I did even though I was planning it for weeks.
& he complained about the presents I got him! I was so sad. I got him 2 t-shirts, Littles got him a can of spaghettios, & Molly got him the movie "Role models." & he complained about all of them. Oh well...So right now, it's almost 2 am, & everyone I know is out getting drunk except me. Yes, including Steve. I'm babysitting for April & Amanda while they're out at the club with everyone else getting drunk..(well Amanda isn't
) & I just have the itch to go home right now! I'm so worried about Steve. I got a phone call from his friends around 11:30 saying he's passed out on my bathroom floor in his own puke...yeah, nice of them to clean him up. GREAT. So I'm pretty sure they left him there by himself...who the hell knows just how drunk he is. I hope he's okay. I just wish there was something I could do, but I can't! I can't leave 3 kids here...that would be bad. lol. & I can't pack them up either cause they're all sleeping. So needless to say, I've been constantly sending texts like, "When are you coming home? You guys on your way? Where are you? Are you coming home?" Like every half hour....without a response. I knew I should've told him not to go out! I'm just like thinking the worse & praying to GOD he doesn't have alcohol poisoning or something crazy like that. I would be too late. But yeah...blogging is basically helping me keep my sanity right now. I wish I had more to write about, but unfortunately, I don't. I suppose I could go to sleep.....
But seriously! You would think the club would get boring after 6 hours! Where are they????!!!!!!
--Yeah, tomorrow is going to suck asshole for me. This lady from my chemistry class has been asking me to tutor her for some stupid reason. It's seriously like the blind teaching the blind..but oh my GOD she is blind! I always think in the back of my head, "Does she EVER pay attention in class?" So yeah. We've been meeting at starbucks for like 3 hours every weekend. & I want to pull my hair out every goddamn time. Unfortunately, I have to go tutor her tomorrow on top of taking care of Steve, on top of going to work really early in the morning, & ON TOP of staying up super late because I can't stop worrying.
Well.........The kids are crying. I should probably go see what's up. I'll try to post next week. Sorry this was all complaining basically.
L8r.
April 22, 2009
FYI: Even if you believe it's wrong, don't tell people you don't believe in gay marriage. haha. --Yes, I got into another heated debate on BBC...apparently I'm still... Yes. Ignorant. & everyone believes that Molly is going to grow up living a "sheltered" life. I LOL'd. I love internet judging. --But the story THIS time was about the girl on miss America who lost her crown because she said she didn't believe in gay marriage....I was pissed as hell! I thought she had a lot of inner beauty for saying what she thought, & not giving the answer perez hilton wanted. Ugh he pisses me off....HE'S THE IGNORANT ONE!
Yeah, I'm turning into my mother's clone. I have her catholic/republican views instilled so deep in me that it's all I know! & I swore up & down that when I had kids, that I would NEVER raise them how she raised me...that they would be allowed to do whatever the hell they want whenever they want....but do I feel that way now? Absolutely not!
There's a lot of parenting styles out there now. Attachment parenting is one of the popular ones. It involves co-sleeping, breastfeeding until your kids can talk, & basically what the name entails...ATTACHMENT. No thanks! I think it turns kids into brats. Usually the moms just let them do whatever the hell they want, & give in..basically everything I said I was going to do...but little miss Molly will be sleeping in her own crib.. she won't be breastfed for long..maybe a month at the most...& as hard as it is being a military family, I don't want her to cling to me every second of the day. I want her to be around Steve as much as possible so she doesn't do that. & I also don't want her to be afraid of people. I've thought long & hard about how I'm going to raise my little girl..I just hope she's like her daddy! He's an amazing person.
--Well for the most part.
I've been trying so hard to get him more involved with Molly, but it's not working!!!! All he ever wants to do is sit around & play on the computer...& BUY stuff for the computer! He knows very well we're supposed to be saving up for Molly. & he keeps acting like it's the worst thing in the world whenever I tell him things are going to change...Uh hello?! Are you braindead?! My life has been changed for a good 8 months now...do you think I care that you're not going to have time to play on the computer? You guessed it, I don't. But I'm hoping he'll change once she gets here...He's still acting like it hasn't sunk in that he's going to be a FATHER to a LITTLE GIRL in about 20 days.
Well there's my little vent for the day.
--So things have been going good lately. Molly is finally measuring where she's supposed to be for the first time this pregnancy. So I'm glad my little girl is finally getting some meat on her little bones! --But that sucks for me. You'll never guess what I found today.....
A nice little gift from my growing baby girl...
yeah.
Stretchmarks. Thanks.
--They're not that bad though..they're very little, & very light purple. haha. I put about a pound of cocoa butter on them...& some stretch mark fading cream..& some cocoa oil..hopefully that'll keep them away!
Anyway, I start going to weekly appointments now. woohoo. OH! & this weekend, April & Amanda & Chels are going to help me paint Molly's nursery! I can't wait until it's finished! I know Molly won't give a shit either way, but I'm nesting like a cat or something right now....everything has to be PERFECT! I'm convinced my body won't let me go into labor until I can finally sit down & say, "Okay..it's done. I'm ready." Who the hell knows.
--Other than miss Molly, I've been letting my grades go down the shitter this month. I now have a B in biology thanks to a bad grade I got on the last test we took. ugh. I also have a B in philosophy now. Great. The only class I'm really thriving in now is Chemistry. Yay! Hopefully I can get that grade up to a B. I still have to ask my professors if they'll let me take the final early. I really hope they do!
&&&&&&&&&&& now I'm out of things to talk about haha. I guess I'll finish cleaning & maybe grab something to eat. --Not that you care, but I have nothing better to do.
I'll try to write sometime next week!
Ciao!
--But the story THIS time was about the girl on miss America who lost her crown because she said she didn't believe in gay marriage....I was pissed as hell! I thought she had a lot of inner beauty for saying what she thought, & not giving the answer perez hilton wanted. Ugh he pisses me off....HE'S THE IGNORANT ONE! Yeah, I'm turning into my mother's clone. I have her catholic/republican views instilled so deep in me that it's all I know! & I swore up & down that when I had kids, that I would NEVER raise them how she raised me...that they would be allowed to do whatever the hell they want whenever they want....but do I feel that way now? Absolutely not!
There's a lot of parenting styles out there now. Attachment parenting is one of the popular ones. It involves co-sleeping, breastfeeding until your kids can talk, & basically what the name entails...ATTACHMENT. No thanks! I think it turns kids into brats. Usually the moms just let them do whatever the hell they want, & give in..basically everything I said I was going to do...but little miss Molly will be sleeping in her own crib.. she won't be breastfed for long..maybe a month at the most...& as hard as it is being a military family, I don't want her to cling to me every second of the day. I want her to be around Steve as much as possible so she doesn't do that. & I also don't want her to be afraid of people. I've thought long & hard about how I'm going to raise my little girl..I just hope she's like her daddy! He's an amazing person.
--Well for the most part.
I've been trying so hard to get him more involved with Molly, but it's not working!!!! All he ever wants to do is sit around & play on the computer...& BUY stuff for the computer! He knows very well we're supposed to be saving up for Molly. & he keeps acting like it's the worst thing in the world whenever I tell him things are going to change...Uh hello?! Are you braindead?! My life has been changed for a good 8 months now...do you think I care that you're not going to have time to play on the computer? You guessed it, I don't.
But I'm hoping he'll change once she gets here...He's still acting like it hasn't sunk in that he's going to be a FATHER to a LITTLE GIRL in about 20 days.Well there's my little vent for the day.
--So things have been going good lately. Molly is finally measuring where she's supposed to be for the first time this pregnancy. So I'm glad my little girl is finally getting some meat on her little bones! --But that sucks for me. You'll never guess what I found today.....
A nice little gift from my growing baby girl...
yeah.
Stretchmarks. Thanks.
--They're not that bad though..they're very little, & very light purple. haha. I put about a pound of cocoa butter on them...& some stretch mark fading cream..& some cocoa oil..hopefully that'll keep them away!
Anyway, I start going to weekly appointments now. woohoo. OH! & this weekend, April & Amanda & Chels are going to help me paint Molly's nursery! I can't wait until it's finished! I know Molly won't give a shit either way, but I'm nesting like a cat or something right now....everything has to be PERFECT! I'm convinced my body won't let me go into labor until I can finally sit down & say, "Okay..it's done. I'm ready." Who the hell knows.
--Other than miss Molly, I've been letting my grades go down the shitter this month. I now have a B in biology thanks to a bad grade I got on the last test we took. ugh. I also have a B in philosophy now. Great. The only class I'm really thriving in now is Chemistry. Yay! Hopefully I can get that grade up to a B. I still have to ask my professors if they'll let me take the final early. I really hope they do!
&&&&&&&&&&& now I'm out of things to talk about haha. I guess I'll finish cleaning & maybe grab something to eat. --Not that you care, but I have nothing better to do.
I'll try to write sometime next week!
Ciao!
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