June 11, 2009

What did I do wrong?
Current mood: scared

I got a visit from social services yesterday.

& it was bullshit. Complete bullshit. I guess I'll just tell the story.

Yesterday morning around 11, I was half awake; I just made Molly a bottle & I was feeding her when I heard a knock on my door. My house was disgusting, I was disgusting, Molly was disgusting, & I was sleeping on the couch...so I had blankets & pillows strewn across my living room. Along with a pile of dirty diapers that I didn't feel like throwing away in the middle of the night. I also had garbage lined up down my hallway ready to be taken out, a sink full of dirty dishes, dirty dinner plates on the table from dinner the night before, & dirty bottles across my living room floor.

Guess who I opened up the door to?

A fucking health inspector.

She asked if she could come in, & I said, "okay, don't mind the mess." & she kinda just looked disgusted. She sat down on my loveseat covered in cat hair, & started bombarding me with questions. First, she told me the hospital sent her to check on me? & then she told me I have to go to mandatory parenting classes that she signed me up for?

& then the interrogation begins.

"Do you do drugs?"
.."No."
"Smoke?"
"..No."
"How about drink alcohol?"
"..No?"
"Okay, then why are there two empty bottles up there on your cabinets?"
"My husband drinks on occasion."
"So you do drink alcohol?"
"I guess."
"Did you try breast feeding?"
"Yeah, but it didn't work out...I pumped, & saw lactation consultants, but she wouldn't latch & I wasn't making enough."
"So you basically failed?"
"I guess?"
"Does your husband beat you?"
"Absolutely not!"
"Why are you sleeping on the couch then?"
"Because it's easier to get to the kitchen?"
"Well, where does baby sleep? All I see is a couch & a swing.."
"With me when she fusses...But for the night she sleeps in the swing."

--Yeah. She wrote down everything I said, & treated every single one of my answers like I was too stupid to know what I was talking about.

& THEN, she gave me all of this crap about shaken baby syndrome & talked to me like I was going to go psycho any second or something!

Ugh there was so much more. She went through my kitchen, & made me prepare formula to see if I was doing it right, & just all of this bullshit! She asked me if I had any questions about Molly, & I asked her what to do when she's constipated & the health inspector told me to give her juice! JUICE! I know better than that! She's only 3 weeks old!

--Anyway, she brought over a scale & weighed Molly..turns out she's 8lbs, 10ozs! She was just 7lbs 15ozs on Friday! My big girl.

After that, she told me that since things "don't look so good" that she's checking back in 30 days?!

First of all, I would love to know what I did that was so wrong for the hospital to call social services on me...I know I'm not a bad mother. I love Molly more than anything in the whole world, & I give up everything just to take care of her. I go hours without eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom, etc etc etc just so she can be happy. I'm doing everything I possibly can for her, & in my opinion, that makes me a good mom. Not to mention that she's a really good baby, & I've been blessed with a set of mother instincts sharper than a safety pin. I know what pisses her off, I know what makes her happy...I always know exactly what she wants. Molly has never cried for more than 2 minutes when I'm with her. & I know what I'm doing 99.99% of the time. I've researched everything there is to know about babies. I have books upon books that I've read. I know when to call the doctor. I know when something isn't right....There is no reason I should be under investigation!

I guess their main concern is that I have no family here so they think I'm a ticking time bomb when it comes to postpartum depression & being overwhelmed. & I can't just go dump Molly on a family member while I cry or go psycho or whatever they think I'm going to do... & the fact that I'm only 18. Again in my opinion, there's a difference between being saddled with a baby & welcoming an addition to your family. I'm not a teenager in high school being saddled with a baby I don't want. I'm not overwhelmed. In fact, I've never been happier. Not only that, but I'm married, in college, financially stable, I have my own car, my own income, a nice apartment in a nice neighborhood...Why me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just can't believe this is happening to me. Seriously! There are complete idiots out there that have children....I'm not one of them! & the whole judging me because I'm 18 is bullshit! Some of the best moms I know are teenagers! ...(Then again, some of the worst moms I know are teenagers.) --Seriously though. I don't come off as a stupid teenager who doesn't know what I'm doing. I'm completely grown up. I've grown out of the teenage selfishness...I have a good head on my shoulders...& I've been through a lot of crap since I've graduated. As far as I'm concerned, I'm an adult now.

--Well. I needed to vent. I just hope for whatever reason they're investigating me for is a good one. I don't deserve this.