July 9, 2009

My day just went to hell.
Current mood: scared

hm. This coputer isn't letting me use my usual font.
oh well.

Well, I'm finally back in Elmira. Molly cried a lot during the flight on the way here...but it's okay. She did good for the most part. She has everyone wrapped around her finger! --& she just started smiling when people talk to her, so..yeah. Everyone is in love! She loves her grandmas. She barfed on both of them today! haha. My mom just loves her to pieces. & Lil does too! UGH it was so precious. Lil sat on me while I was holding Molly, & she said, "beebee! It's beebee Mowwy!" & she gave her kisses, & held her bottle! She also got into my suitcase & found my brush & brushed Molly's hair. hahaha. & she busted into my room & said, "where's beebee?!!!" They're going to be best friends. It's so precious.

--Anyway, my big annoucement that I'm not too happy about...

I'm applying to corning for the fall 2009 semester...yes, this semester...Yes, as in I have to move back next month. My credits from Yuba aren't going to transfer, & I can't waste anymore time.

It depresses me a lot. I don't want to leave California.

So I don't even know where to start...at all. I'm guessing I'll just leave everything I packed here...send the majority of my stuff out in packages, & take off for New York in the middle of August. Steve will probably end up getting a 1 bedroom apartment...I'm going to apply for all the financial aid I can get my hands on..& I'll probably end up getting a weekend job. Ugh the next 2 years are going to suck asshole. & I'm really really going to miss California. That's all I ever talk about since I left haha. All I ever talk about is april, thomas, scott, & Chels & how much I miss them lol. So this is going to suck alot. I haven't told Steve yet...he doesn't like to talk to me on the phone so I haven't really bugged him today. I am enjoying some time away from him though. hahaha. ...I guess I get alot of time away from him now.

I just can't believe this. I really didn't plan this to happen...& I didn't even make up a plan for "what if" it actually DID happen.

Well, it really did happen. & now I'm fucked. & stuck here.

I have to somehow magically afford daycare which runs around $25 a day...I'll be in school 5 days a week...that's a hefty $500+ a month. Ugh. I don't know what I'm going to do at all. I don't have $500 a month first of all! I might have to schedule my classes so I only go twice a week..then it'll only run around $200 a month..which I still don't really have. & then on top of that, I have to get on WIC....switch my driver's license & plates...move all my shit back here....drive back here...Ugh. I need to sit on this one for awhile. I really have no clue what I'm going to do...at all. I'm most likely going to have to get a job. & if I do, I'll probably end up getting my own place.

This sucks so bad I could cry.