May 18, 2009

Hey Guys!

I'm in a better mood today I guess. I can't believe all of the support I got due to my last blog! You're all so nice. I wasn't expecting anything, it was just a vent. But I'll just clarify a few things so you don't think my marriage is going down the shitter!

Remeber about..oh..I don't know..like 30 blog entries ago when I would bitch about Steve being on world of warcraft all the time? Yeah, that game seriously sucks ass. Except a few months ago back in October/November when he was addicted to it, things were way worse between us! He was still in denial about Molly which completely broke my heart, he was always stressed from work thanks to Chris, & there were a few other things going on too. But this time it's not as bad. He just plays that game for 12 hours a day, (which he did yesterday!) & completely ignores me. Atleast now he's acknowledging the fact that he has a daughter, & he doesn't work with Chris. haha. I would have to say out of the 3 1/2 years we've been together, that was the hardest thing we've had to go through. So this time around, it's really not THAT bad. If I can just get him to stop playing that game, everything will be perfect. Other than that, we don't have any problems!

Thing two: Steve & I actually had a discussion yesterday about me moving back to New York, & I think that's what I'm going to do..for real! I'm going to talk to a counselor at Corning to see if my credits transfer, & if I can get into the Nursing program there for the Spring semester. Which means Molly & I will be moving back there this December! Steve will be deployed from January-June of 2010, so we'd be saving so much money from not paying rent. --Yeah, I'm moving back in with my Mom. haha. But at the same time, I'm glad Molly won't miss out on her family, & that no one will miss out on her. --Except Steve. But it'll be okay. We'll probably stay in California during the summer, & come back to New York for the fall/spring so I can finish school! & I hate to say it, but school is my #1 priority. If I don't finish, we won't have a future. So I have to get through it no matter what! & it's only for a couple years, not forever! --Anyway when Steve is out of the air force in June of 2011, I'll be done with school, & then we're off to Watertown so Steve can go to ITT tech & I'll support us with my nursing job! --So I guess it was a little harsh for me to say"I'm leaving!" in my last blog. I'm sure everyone took that the wrong way lol. I have my mom's temper. --Can you tell?

Thing three: I don't believe in divorce one bit! Sure I might get annoyed with Steve from time to time..it really helps to vent, but that doesn't mean I would ever consider divorcing him! I vowed to him for better or worse I would always be there, & I will! I love him, & no matter what I will work through the hard times & do whatever it takes to keep us together....& I know he would do the same for me.

OKAY! Now that that's all explained..

I'm due today!!!! It's 4:09 pm, & I've done absolutely nothing all day. & I haven't had a single contraction, no bloody show, no nothing! Molly is doing great though. She's been hanging out like she usually does...& she obviously hasn't found the eject button. hehe. So tomorrow at my appointment, I'll probably ask to be induced. --I hope they can do that! At this point, I honestly don't care how she comes out. I just want her out! & just for the hell of it, remember how I used to refer to Molly as the "sesame seed" Or the "blueberry" before I knew she had a vagina? Well, now she's the size of a small pumpkin! She's huge! & you know what's scary? I'm officially in the 10th month of pregnancy! How the hell......

Anyway, I went swimming for the first time this summer yesterday! It was 106 degrees here! I felt 100 pounds lighter. It was awesome! I couldn't swim very good though. I could barely doggy paddle! It was really hard! Molly threw off my "keep yourself from drowning" senses, so I just hung out in the shallow end. & I'm a strong swimmer too! It was a big change not being able to keep myself afloat! But I had alot of fun. I went with Steve & his friends. It was nice to get out of the house for once! With school being over & April gone, I never have anything to do!

Well, I suppose I should wrap this up. As much as I would like to keep writing to keep myself busy, I can't think of anything else to say!

Thank you for all of the support. You're all so nice. & Hopefully my next blog will be a birth annoucement!

Ciao!